Porn is ruining my life :( (But I like it)

HeartSupport Support
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I’ve struggled with porn addiction on and off again since the age of eleven. Being addicted to porn has lead me through depression, idealization of suicide, hatred of myself, questioning of faith, and loss of intimacy of relationship. I’m aware some don’t see it as a problem… but for me it is and I’m working on defeating it so I can tell others ways to defeat it. I just wanted to know if anyone here has over come it and has any victory stories? I want to do better and really tackle this problem head on without shame or people judging me. Thanks in advanced for any responses.

Love you guys.

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@marxlaworiginal :
Do you know what caused you to be addicted to porn? Have you tried talking to a counselor about what triggered you to go into this cycle? I feel like talking to someone how you feel so you dont get back into this off and on cycle. Thanks for posting and you are not alone !
-ashley
keep fighting friend , you’re worth it !

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Like Ashley mentioned, I think talking to a counselor would be a great idea. I don’t think you need to feel shame for any of this. Counselors have heard everything so don’t be embarrassed to tell them how you’re feeling. Anything can be an addiction. It can happen to anyone, at any time. The important thing is that you realized that porn has become a problem in your life in terms of it causing you distress. That’s great that you realized it and you are wanting to do something about it. You should be proud of yourself for that. If you were strong enough to write in here, I know you’re strong enough to take the next step to talking to a counselor about all of this.

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Thanks you for sharing your situation, the fact that you are is helping others I’m sure. One piece of advice that’d I’d share is look at small victories. I feel like human nature is if we’re trying to beat an addition and relapse we think of it as who we are as a person, vs a mistake we made. Maybe a small victory is making it half a day without looking at porn and trying to build off of it to a whole day, multiple days, etc. But with the self grace to know a relapse may happen as we’re all human, but that relapse is another chance to work towards your goals. I feel like in our society it’s very “all or nothing” either your still dealing with something or you’ve defeated it, which is an injustice to the person and situation as it’s not that simple. As others mentioned a counselors could be helpful to work on some underlying things like, what may trigger those moments where you want to go back to it. And they may help devise a gameplan of how to deal with those triggers.

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@Efa117

Thank you for sharing. What you are dealing with is a common problem that a few of us had gone through in this community. I struggle with it too. Tomorrow, I am going to be 100 days clean from it. Hallelujah! The only thing I can advise is to practice self-control one day at a time. It is going to be hard, but it is possible. Fight the battle before the battle. You will overcome this. I believe in you.

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@AVJR @Efa117 @Firefly @all_around_ashley I appreciate every single one of you and appreciate your words and encouragement. I’ve been around people who really want me to overcome this in a silent means, but I feel it is important to share this struggle. I have youth I lead at my church and I have to be vulnerable to share the pitfalls of my life so I can steer others from them. It’s weird, but I know my triggers and what leads me into porn. I know when I’m depressed or trying to repress my feelings I turn to it. If I’m bored or feeling lazy I’ll do it. Or if I’m mad I’ll do it. Basically if I have any “spare” time I’ll try to work my way to it because it’s all I’ve done for years. Also everything is so sexualized on social medias and even you tube it’s crazy! I think I will try to get someone to seriously counsel me on it because I know this will be a serious ministry for me one day. I won’t shame others about sex and porn because I know what it’s like to fail at something repeatedly. The good thing about this is it has humbled me to understand everyone in a way, even past our faults. I want to love everyone, because no one is perfect. I truly appreciate you all. You have blessed me to keep going in conquering this addiction.

Also if anyone else read this I love this site called: fight the new drug. It is a good source to start the journey to combating porn addiction. I will be here for anyone who needs to talk or encouragement.

Once again, THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH who replied. I love you beautiful people for taking the time to see about another human in distress.

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Hey man, I have exactly the same story as you. I started watching porn at a young age and only realized the effect it had on me and my relationships about a year ago when I came clean about it in my then relationship with a girl I loved very dearly, we are not together anymore and part of it is because of my porn addiction. Since then I have had “struggles” and rebounds to porn (it is very hard to shake, I know you know exactly what I mean, especially if times get tough in other parts of your life, hang in there, it gets better, everything does). Anyway, I believe the most important part of your story (one I also feel most strongly about in my story aswell) is at what young age it can start and actually start for most people os scary and is also the part where you are most vulnerable and confused and easy pray. We need to help these kids and show them how it can affect your life in the long run. I was 15 when it started and only realized the effect it had on my relationships at 29. Maybe we can work together to figure out the kids out there to keep them from suffering as we do.

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I would like that man! I definitely want to impact the next generation to skip out on porn. It isn’t worth real love in the end. I almost relapsed just now… Then I thought and read this again. God has really been changing how I view it the past couple of days since this post. I still get the thoughts to… but I just say a firm NO in my mind and the thought goes aways. It’s crazy. I don’t feel like I’m the victim anymore which is very empowering.

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That’s tough! I’ve struggled with porn addiction my entire life. I hid it from my fiance until we started pre-marital counseling 4 months before our wedding. We almost called it off as this bomb of a secret began to unglue our relationship. I began watching porn when my mother divorced my violent father. As a middle child, I struggled with my feelings on my father and instead of confronting - I numbed. This habit ran my life for almost 13 years. The past year has been the most challenging year of my life. My wife discovering this addiction has been very tough to come back from. I quickly got into a 12-step group and counseling. It gets better. Porn, and negative core beliefs (shame) don’t have to control your life. You can’t control it yourself, so it’s imperative to get into a group with people like you. But it gets better. Work the program, manage your triggers, know yourself and dig deep into your habits. What are you truly feeling that leads you to acting out? Mine is stress, loneliness, and boredom. Those feelings are big triggers for me to want to watch porn. Try and see if you can recognize those triggers next time you want to watch! You’ve got a friend in me :smile:

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Nice to know I’m not alone. I honestly feel like I would have to START a meeting place near me because the nearest one is a good 20 mins which is ridiculous to me seeing how many churches and things like that are in my area. Porn is very taboo but I aim to break that and help youth and adults to arm themselves fully of what it’s about and how to break free. I will probably end up going it just blows the nearest support I can get seems far. I’ve tried forming a group alliance with my friends… but they got a lot of stuff going on.

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That’s good to hear that you’ve looked into it! I drive about 30 mins every Thursday night to go to a meeting. I personally enjoy that because it kind of feels nice to get out of my city (where there are many meetings nearby). Feels like it makes my meeting place more safe for me knowing that it is far. I would encourage you to give it a shot! The hardest part is getting there, but the people in the group will make you feel more than welcome. I’m 25 and M, and my group ranges from guys in their late-teens to late 70’s. All shapes, sizes, and colors.

Just to add a bit more to my story - My wife and I went through some intensive pre-marital counseling. It was so hard to take that step with her but we decided to move forward with the wedding. It took us almost a year to get our relationship back, and we’re still working. But it’s so worth it. To not live in lies and to not live in fear of being discovered. I used to be terrified of TV or movies because I was afraid if they made a joke about porn, then she would ask me if I watched it. Constant fear, constant manipulation. It was bad, and I’m so grateful to be where I am now. I’m not sure where you are in your life, but it gets better. Look into the “Answers in the Heart” and the “Green Book of SAA” and that’s a great place to start!

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@jmgospo thank you so much. Attended my first SAA meeting tonight! It’s crazy how my whole (adult) life I felt I was the only one dealing with this and there’s other good people who struggle with the same thing. I owe you man. This was a huge weight off my shoulder lol.

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@marxlaworiginal YES!!! That’s awesome!!! Good for you man!!! So incredibly stoked to hear that, you have no idea. Having a shitty Monday morning and that just made my day. Keep it up my friend. It’s so incredibly brave to do that. You should be proud of yourself!!!

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@jmgospo Thanks man. I pray today is better for you. This is a journey for sure. I found myself wanting to relapse last night… then I thought do I really want this. I have people rooting for me. I can totally do this and help others! Those thoughts and a strong desire to say no are helping along with my spiritual walk with God is getting better. Also I’ve noticed… I’m way more into my girlfriend now since I haven’t been using. That’s great! It helps with intimacy and all that. I love it. Real life women in general are more attractive, but I prefer that than an addiction. I’ll be attending a new meeting on thursday and I’ll try to meet up again with the guys I met on friday.

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@marxlaworiginal That’s great to hear my friend. My meetings are also on Thursday’s! The impact that porn has on your arousal template and intimacy is unreal. You don’t quite realize it until you make an attempt to stop, and you see how much watching porn messed with your head. I’m 14 months free free from porn and I STILL struggle with healthy intimacy at times with my wife. She’s grown to be very supportive and understanding which I am grateful for, but porn completely destroys your brain. I’m rooting for you! You can do it, and once you get there it is so freeing. You’ll start to see how much it held you back in life. It’s good you’re aware of your feelings and when you want to act out. Try thinking about WHAT feeling caused you to feel like acting out and learn to process that in a different way! For example, when I’m lonely I want to watch porn. Over time, I’ve retrained my brain to call my sponsor or do something positive for me that feels good so I don’t numb the loneliness with porn. You’re on a good path and I’m stoked for you in this spiritual and healing journey.

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Hey Marxlaworiginal,

First I want to say welcome to the community, and I’m so glad you are here and part of this community. I want to remind you that you are loved and welcomed here despite whatever you are going through, and you are never alone, and specifically in this struggle you are not alone!

There’s two things I want to have you look at:

Still struggling myself I believe I am a failure

I’ve posed as someone who’s got it together for…a long time, ever since I started taking on a real role at HeartSupport. I started to believe this lie: if I’m going to help others, I can’t let them know I struggle too. But the truth is I’ve continued to struggle with an addiction to porn. Though I’ve put earnest effort towards freedom, I’ve spent the past few years fighting this alone. Here’s what it’s been like for a long time: Struggle, relapse, feel terrible, confess to a friend or my wife…

Nate’s Story – HeartSupport

^^ These two things from Nate, one of the staff members here at heart support is what started me on my journey of healing and freedom from my addiction to pornography (that I’ve struggled with for going on three years now). So not only is this a reminder that you are not alone in your struggles, but also that we see you, and people in this heart support family struggle with this as well.

I feel like I’m stealing Nate’s thunder here, but a lot of the advice I’m giving you is the same advice he gave me. So here it goes, first you need to stop focusing on days clean from this and start desiring freedom. What this doesn’t mean is that you should continue to watch porn until you’re free from it, rather the desire for freedom from this addiction is what we should want and long for. “Recovery is a 2-5 year process with a miracle from God everyday.” I’ve heard this a million times and it’s so true, recovery is a process and is not going to happen overnight.

The next thing that’s been really helpful for me is journaling, I’m pretty sure this model came from the 12-Steps Program but I may be wrong. But most of the time when relapse occurs (with any addiction we go through these things), and it’s called the FASTER Scale

F- Forgetting Priorities
A- Anxiety
S- Speeding Up
T- Ticked Off
E- Exhausted
R- Relapse

So in my time journaling I go through these things, and I journal these everyday whether I relapse or not. And see what got me to relapse, and if I don’t relapse what stopped me from relapsing that day. I hope that this is an encouragement to you. And I just want to remind you that you are not alone! I want to leave you with one of my favorite verses, and I hope that it encourages you!

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

Hold Fast, You’re Worth It,
Monkey

p.s.- I encourage you to read this amazing blog that Ben Sledge (the executive director of Heart Support) wrote about pornography: Generation Porn - God Loves Sex and Free People - Benjamin Sledge

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@marxlaworiginal How did your meeting go last night??

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Thanks for asking!.. although disappointingly I missed it and I got prior engagements for the one tonight. I will do my best week after next for sure (once I get my check lol). I found I relapsed… but I didn’t stay in the depressed cycle I usually do and I find I get stuck in. I’m back to focusing on my stuff. My trigger was boredom… I’m making attempts to keep my mind busy with my hobbies, youtube channel, and other life things. I really appreciate you being a friend and checking on me. I do need someone to be accountable to who cares enough to ask.

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Monkey,

Thanks so much. It’s crazy how much support I’ve found here @ heartsupport. It truly feels like another family to me. I will definitely take these things into account and start a journal of how my days go! I feel that would help tremendously. I use to write (stories) everyday, so maybe that would ignite a spark that had long been dead. I appreciate your time for replying. I’m still learning, but I’m not discouraged since posting here, my journey has become easier. God is really using all of you guys in an incredible way.

Much Love,
MD

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You’ll never be judged here.


Sometimes a physical reminder helps, like a piece of jewelry or a tattoo. You remind yourself what you really want: who you want to be.
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