found out late last night that the company i work for is shutting down the after school care i work at. so unless someone new takes it over, and decides to hire me, i wont have a job next year. unfortunately with my various health issues, it was honestly a miracle the current company even hired me in the first place.
this job has been the main reason i havent completely given up on myself. it gave me a reason to get up in the morning, and a place where i felt i was making a difference. when one of the kids asked me a while ago what my dream job would be, i told them i would happily work there for the rest of my life. things were tough sometimes, but overall i love my job and cant see myself doing anything else.
im scared that if i lose my job completely i wont have anything to hold on to anymore. i wont have a reason to get out of bed, or anything to look forward to. i feel like by joining an action group i was just starting to pull myself back up onto my feet, but then this just comes along and knocks me right back down again. its so hard to get jobs in my area that arent either very physical, or require some sort of college degree or whatever. i cant do physical work, even just stuff that requires me to stand for a long time, because of my health. and im not smart enough for college. the after school care job was perfect cause it was only 3 hours a day, and i could sit during most of it cause my co-worker did the sporty stuff with the kids, and i did the crafty stuff.
im terrified im just going to fall deeper and deeper into this chasm of depression and lonliness and self-loathing. ive already been so close to just giving up, what if this is the thing that pushes me over the edge. whats the point in dragging myself through life, living off government handouts, if im not even doing anything useful in society? i cant escape this. im too tired.
That is really sad news. You really do have a marketable skill and experience in childcare. Go ahead and get a reference from your current job right away. Also, see if you can find someone there who will provide a phone reference, even after the place closes.
When a job ends, the reason to get out of bed is to start on your new job, which is to find a new job. In other words, the job search becomes your job until you have another job. The kids that are currently at the daycare where you work, will need to go somewhere else. If possible, find out where they are going, and see if their new daycare needs additional help.
That’s why it’s important to keep getting out of bed and be very persistent in your job search. Part of your job will be to persist in your efforts, even when you are feeling discouraged. It might be worthwhile to check out your local or state employment service. You may also be eligible for employment services that specialize in finding work for people with physical limitations.
If you don’t do anything else, simply being a supportive presence here makes you a very useful part of society. You might also want to consider volunteering somewhere, or even a crisis hotline. Because of your own life experience, I believe you have considerable empathy. That makes you an asset to others.
Do not allow yourself to be pushed over the edge. If you go over the edge, you won’t be able to keep others from going over.
By the way, is there a chance your coworker can be on the lookout for another job for you?
Please don’t give up. You obviously make a difference in these children’s lives.
Believe. Pray.
A new owner will keep you on. The children love you. The children need you.
If this owner closes the door, another will open one.
These children will need care. Where will they go?
God gave you a gift to help these children. I believe He will help you find a way to keep sharing your gift.
Hold on. You are important. You are loved by these children.
Thank you for this post, It is frightening to fear what the future may hold, I think most get to that point at some point and we just don’t know what to do so we just panic, feel useless and think the worst. We catastrophize every possible thought and make every situation as bad as it can be which in turn makes us panic even more. I am so pleased that you decided to post, it gives you the opportunity to use this time to use us to help you to rationalise these thoughts, help yourself to organise them, organise yourself and realise what an amazing and strong person that you are and that you really can handle what is happening and what can happen because not only are you capable of dealing with the good and the bad in life, you also have us right by your side to lean on and help you with it. You have got this friend, its not going to be as bad as your bad thougts are telling you. You are loved. xxx
it sounds like you really loved your job! i’m so sorry you have to live with this worry. you clearly cared about it a lot. have you checked resources to help though college, if you think you’d like to try? there may be more out there than you think. can you maybe offer classes a couple times a month of crafty things? i know there’s an art camp near me, 2x a month kids arrive and paint a few things together. if you do lose this, i hope you’re able to see that there are still options out there for you!
i have had to rebuild my life totally from nothing, 3 times in my adult life and that fear of unknown and “what if” and… all that comes with losing something secure that you love… my goodness it’s scary. it’s terrifying. but it’s not impossible. who you are and your value in this world are not tied up in this job. and i know, i really really know how hard it is to separate your value as a living person from feeling value only in some form of productive output. this is a hard situation, but it’s not impossible, and you’re not alone while you go though it, no matter what happens!
I don’t know how things are going to be with certainty, but what is sure is that you will be okay, whether it is with or without this job. These are obviously very stressful news and it makes sense to be scared of what is unknown, of having your life shifted so brutally, especially when you love what you do. There is still room to prepare yourself, cultivate self-care even more and rely on the support system you have right now, no matter how small or big it is - your action group being a part of it.
A couple years ago I lost a job I love and felt like it was the beginning of the end - no purpose, nothing to look forward to. I had health issues and was at the peak of my depression, which didn’t help to feel like waking up each morning. The feeling of becoming useless and worthless was awful. But it was a feeling, and certainly not the reflection of any tangible truth.
Weirdly enough though, this time has also been a time for exploration to me. I went back to an old love of mine, drawing, that I believe you share as well, and would like to keep pursuing as much as possible. This may sound futile compared to the importance that work holds in our society as it’s a “hobby”, a side activity. However, the possibility to take care of yourself, cultivate things you like and strategize your next steps is not going to stop as you would eventually need a new job. You may even find purpose in volunteering in some way where you are, or online just like right here.
These circumstances are heavy, stressful, scary. It’s okay to feel defeated. Please don’t let this be a reason to give up on yourself though and on other opportunities that life could offer to you. It’s hard to see beyond the mountains in front of us when we’re just at the bottom of it. You’re not going to have to climb it just on your own, friend. We’ll be here all along. You have been taking steps throughout this year and you can keep this momentum going, even if there are circumstances that are not in your control right now. You, your life, your worth and purpose are so much more than circumstances. Let’s overcome this together, one step at a time.
