Today was an incredible day at my final Warped Tour, I’m assuming final since the venue said it is unlikely that Warped would return. Anyway it was a great day, saw many bands I love, met the founder of this beautiful community, and had a lovely day with friends. As we were leaving though, this unbearable weight came crashing down on me, hard. I am losing things slowly. This year I will turn 20, I will no longer be a kid. Warped is gone, at least for me. I am falling into the pattern of school, work, sleep, repeat, and its draining. The realization that we are born to go to school, work, pay taxes and bills, and then die is also an issue. I’m just really torn up right now. I’m not sure what to do or where to turn. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, it isn’t normal or right. I should be happy happy, right? I know I had a great day. So why does it feel like I am sinking and the water is rising quick? Who knows anymore…
It makes sense that you are down about this being the last Warped Tour. I was bummed, too, when I left. It was the very last one! (And I only had attended twice; I was sad I hadn’t known about it sooner!)
I totally understand what you’re saying, with the realization that you feel like you’re just going to go to school, work, pay bills, then die. It can seem that way, and it’s depressing. I actually just quit my dream job because I wanted to be closer to family, and am in the process of job hunting right now. I’m have thoughts of “What if I don’t find a job I love as much as the one I had?” Something that helps me in this is my faith. I wouldn’t have felt led to come back here, or to quit what I was doing, if God didn’t have something for me here. No, it won’t be the same. But, because He led me here, there is going to be purpose. Even if it is hard. Another thing I’m focusing on is, it’s not just about the job. But about the people I’m going to be working with or able to impact as a result of working where I’ll work. I’m trying to focus on how there is a greater purpose than just going to work everyday to do a job. I’m not sure if this helps. But I’m just sharing my perspective on what is helping me.
I find that in the moment, things can seem worse than they actually are, because we can’t see the future. Take things day by day. (I know, easier said than done!)
Tons of people have had the same thoughts you have. It’s normal.
I’m glad to hear that you had a fantastic time at Warped!! I know for me, hearing stories of people going through a similar thing help me not to feel so alone. If you haven’t seen @Lyss’ post about a similar experience, I highly recommend to read her post! I’ve attached my reply as well, which can also be applicable to your situation. Sometimes adulting can be frustrating, but I promise it’ll get better!
I just wanted to say I’m sorry that you’re going through this experience friend, it’s honestly not an easy one- it just sucks so much. I really connect with a lot of what you’re saying, being 22 and worrying about my future, what’s going to happen next, fearing mundane/meaningless work and routine, and the list just goes on. One thing I am learning though is that “happy” seems to be this gold standard that no one can really attain. Not that we can’t have joy or be happy in life, but we’re just expected to be happy all of the time, and that’s just not possible. I don’t know how tangible what I’m saying is, but I guess one thing is trying to ease that pressure off yourself, of feeling like you have to happy 24/7? Sometimes I feel really guilty about that, and how I’m just ‘not grateful enough’ for what I do have, but I’m beginning to believe that it’s a lie I tell myself- and that’s ok to acknowledge the downs and hard parts of life too.
I’m not sure I’m being incredibly helpful, but I just want you to know that you’re not alone in figuring this out- I’m right there with you with this growing up and being-an-adult mess. Something I am sure of though, is that we can make choices that make life more exciting and less repetitive. Maybe it’s just taking courses at school that are interesting to us, applying for a job that’s different from what we’re used to, or helping a friend out and being there when they need us.
Overall, I believe that life has hope, and that it exists for you too. Just my point of view, but I want to encourage you to hold fast, and please do update us about how things are going.
I came across this forum when I googled how I was feeling. I saw pink last weekend, booked tickets in October for the show in june, the time in between felt like eternity then the weekend just flew past. I know I should be so grateful and happy I got to see her live and also 2 nights (sister won tickets) but now I can’t stop watching videos and listening to her music. I’m also following all her other shows and feeling jealous and stalking her social media:hear_no_evil:which isn’t healthy. Even family and friends are making comments. Never knew PCD was a think but I think I’m suffering from it