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Man, it’s so brutal when you finally take the opportunity to open up and be vulnerable, especially when you’ve poured into them, and then wham get invalidated for the very feelings you were wearisome about sharing in the first place…it’s like a double slap in the face, and with this happening over and over again, it feels more painful each time it happens, and finally you feel like it just broke you and you had to get it off your chest…
Glad you did! Your feelings do matter. If you and I were excluded from struggling because we have significant others, we’d be in a world’s worth of hurt. Your feelings do matter, your struggles are still valid.
Often times when people say things like that it’s out of laziness…not knowing how to support you…or fear that if YOU are hurting, then there’s no hope for them to be better because they idealize you as being the person that needs to be perfect, as it is a way for them to believe that life can be better…also it’s a way to isolate because if they just want the relationship to be one-sided then they might be avoiding connection because they’re afraid of being seen…there’s a million reasons that people could try to invalidate your feelings, but that doesn’t mean that it’s right. It just means that they have some kind of brokenness that’s preventing them from being helpful support to you. And that’s okay! It just means that they don’t deserve your vulnerability right now. Don’t allow for their pain and invalidation to define what is true for you. Truth is, you matter.
-Nate
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