You shouldn’t fight to make yourself fit in in a way that you can’t, you should embrace your differences and make friends in that way. Also don’t just try to fit the standards of other people, have standards for yourself and value them. If you try you best to fit in a place you know isn’t like you, then are you really valuing and loving yourself and your own standards?
I get how it is with social groups, and I also understand how hard it is to get along with people in an environment that you can never seem to fit in. That’s what makes it so hard to find a good job most of the time, because usually the enviroments “normalcy box” tends to be either toxic or something I can’t get behind bc I don’t fit into any of them. But you shouldn’t hold yourself back just because other people are trying to make you fit into that enviromental social construct. The thing about “normal” people is that they always feel a need to be better than the other so they all try to keep up by fitting in the same box, when really that’s extremely dumb and very boring and mainly is deeply bred from their own and others insecurities. They’re taught at a young age to fear the unknown and accept what’s understood aka; That certain things should be accepted and others should be looked down upon if misunderstood. When really, as long as you’re not hurting anyone, none of this should even matter. What makes you - you is unique and different and there’s nothing wrong with it. But people don’t like to listen to that, so they choose to make others insecure. And when people are taught to become insecure instead of embracing who they are, they tend to grow up to be cynical selfhating assholes, or become extremely insane because of how long they’ve been trying to hold back those insecurities, eventually getting into messed up stuff and finding very dark places to find acceptence.
If I’m to be honest, you don’t even have to be friends with your co-workers. You can just work with them, and talk professionally. And you don’t have to open up everything about yourself, you can just talk like yourself and be comfy with what you say without expecting anything back. They’re just people they’re certainly not perfect and they’ve got as many flaws and differences as you do.
So, I’m neurodivergent, so whenever I do things I never fit in, in literally anything, so because of that, eventually I realized it didn’t matter and I just kinda gave up on trying to fit in. I decided I didn’t care because I knew there were other people out there like me with the same interests passions and hobbies, struggling with the exact same feeling. So, I wasn’t actually weird. I also eventually did meet actual weird people, and when I did I really realized I wasn’t even close to weird. Most people who say they’re weird aren’t weird, so just trust me on this. You’re not weird, don’t call yourself that. And if you’re also nuerodivergent, you’re not alone <3
When socializing, don’t just act a certain way for different people. When it comes to professionality ofc yes that’s important, but when if comes to making friends, that’s only going to hurt you. Also, you shouldn’t open up because they don’t think you’re weird and they accept you, you should open up because you’re comfortable and they’re worth your time and you feel safe. Friendships are not about not being seen as weird and simply just being accepted, they’re about comfort and joy and fun. But I get most of the time this isn’t easy to find, In these cases I don’t care about being anything but professional and trying to get out of a conversation or observing it because it’s better than being treated harshly. But that doesn’t mean that should be the “norm”, you should be allowed to feel comfortable and protected and safe, you should be aloud to be yourself. I mean honestly, if someone sees you as weird, who cares, they’re probably weirder than you. I’ve been told I was weird by people who were very mentally deranged and by people who have abused me. So bc of that I think if someone ever considers you as weird, they’re usually either just pushing their own insecurities onto you or they fear the unknown phsychology of the mind. That’s just me though. I think if you accept the parts of you that you think are weird you would care less for people seeing you that way. Plus if you embrace the parts of yourself that people don’t understand, they may embrace it too. Teaching the unknown properly is important for creating an unfeared healthy, knowing enviroment around it. In your work environment you aren’t weird you just haven’t found people like you.
If you’re just wanting to seem professional, then you can keep the parts of you that are different a secret, and by that I mean like, if there’s a hobby that’s so complicated you doubt a usual person would understand without a very lengthy explaination then don’t mention it to people. Other than that the more you’re worried about how to act around people the worse you’ll actually act by accident. I’ve been able to accidently become “popular” before and I have NO IDEA how I bluffed my way through the whole thing and it ended horribly. But you know what I learned through it? It was extremely stupid and wasn’t worth my time. The people I was around were really boring and messed up in the head, and if I said anything bluntly they’d take it in a social cue aspect and think I was bullying them or is as insane immediatly, it’s really stupid. They were all people who had succumbed to the controls of peer pressure and didn’t know how to think for themselves, so they were chaotic and a mess to be around. What I also learned about this is that I genuinely do not care for people who pretend to not have emotions or actually don’t, if someone isn’t going to put an emotional effort into a friendship then it isn’t a friendship at all. As for aquaintences they’re not that important if they don’t connect with you and are expecting more out of you than you can give them right? That isn’t really something healthy to get into. If you’re typically a ND and you try to mask your way into a social group that relies on “normalcy” odds are you will eventually get kicked out because you don’t know how those social skills actually work and it will end up showing. Best odds are to usually try and be yourself as professionally as possible and if they don’t like it then fuck them. Again though, this is coming from someone who never fits in, idk if you’re in the same box as me or not. Point is tho, have standards for yourself.
I hope that this maybe could have helped you. I also struggle in work enviroments, but that isn’t just because I’m different it’s mainly because all the work enviroments around this state are insane and safety is the minority.
Remember to think about yourself in this, you’re important too.
From someone who also considers this place family,