Back to heartsupport

Prioritizing others before myself


I still cant draw the line. I still cant tell people I need to take care of myself first. I still don’t feel like I deserve to take care of myself first - other people are so much more important than me. How could I focus on myself when people around me are struggling?

I’m putting others before me. My friends and loved ones are struggling and I’m dropping everything to help them. I stay up nights to talk to my friends who need me, even tho it means I haven’t slept properly in weeks. I forget to eat because I sit by the phone waiting for updates on different situations my loved ones are in, every single one enough to keep you up at night on their own, and I’m doing my best to take on as much of that burden as I can, in hopes that it will ease their suffering. I keep forgetting my medication because my own life and recovery are last on my list priorities. I have been pushing back contacting a therapist cause I don’t have the mental energy to deal with my own things at the end of the day. First comes everyone else around me, and if I have the energy to focus on myself at the end of the day - well, then I clearly didn’t give my everything for the people I claim to love, and I’m a horrible person.

There’s people around me doing worse than I am, and until I hit the rock bottom again, I’ll pour my heart out for them. Because if they don’t feel happy and at ease, I don’t deserve to either. The only reason why I should be out of that darkness is so I can better help others, and if I’m not doing that, I don’t deserve happiness. If I cant give enough back, I don’t deserve to be okay.


hi friend,
thanks for sharing with us what you’re going through and how this is affecting you. I can tell you’re a very strong and kind person. You have such a big heart and I’m so proud of you for being so brave.

I totally get you when you say this. I do this myself. I spend so much time caring for those around me and making sure they’re okay that I dismiss my own health and feelings. It can be really hard to tell people that you need time to yourself. They can take it the wrong way and think you don’t want to be there for them, or they’ve bothered you. Friend, please understand that it’s very healthy and worth it to take care of yourself. I know you may feel bad about doing it, but you can’t give people the proper love they deserve when you’re broken. The better you take care of yourself, the more you’ll be able to help and be there for them. It’s okay to tell them that you need to take a couple hours for yourself and you’ll get back to them in a little bit.
You absolutely deserve to take care of yourself. Please don’t tell yourself that you don’t deserve to love yourself and take time to make sure you’re okay. These things you’re telling yourself are simply not true. And any time you need a reminder that you deserve to take care of yourself first, come back here. We’ll be here to remind you that you are a human being and you NEED time to yourself. I think once you start to practice taking care of yourself before others, you’ll start to see that it’s possible to make sure you’re okay AND be there for others.
Even though you feel the need to lose sleep other helping others, you need to understand that if you want to continue to help them, you have to rest. You are human. You are allowed to sleep. I know you think that your friends and family will get mad at you for not giving every second to them, but you can’t keep doing this to yourself. It’s not healthy, friend.

That doesn’t mean you should dismiss how you’re doing. how you are doing is still valid.

You are doing more than enough, my friend. You have one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever seen. you DO deserve happiness. you are giving enough back.
Every time you need this reminder, I’ll be here to remind you. We will all be here to remind you.
I want to encourage you to make a goal for yourself. Try spending an hour or so every day just by yourself. Turn your phone off. Put all distractions aside and just spend time with yourself. Whether that’s writing down what’s going on in your life or how you’re feeling and thinking. Maybe you can spend time doing a hobby that you enjoy. You deserve love and to take time for yourself. again, you can’t properly take care of others before you take care of yourself first.
I love you and I believe in you. Stay strong. You got this