Private information shared

I struggle with mental health. I was using an anonymous Reddit for support in an avoid masturbation page and looked for advice on some relationship challenges I was having.

My wife’s ex boyfriend screenshot all my posts and texted them to my wife. I have no idea how he could have even found my page. I feel violated and sad. My wife asked me to open up more to her and I am trying. It’s not easy to share with your wife that you are trying to quit looking at porn.

feel gross, depressed, hurt, and angry. He clearly shared this with her to try and hurt me.


The best thing you can do is to be truthful with your wife and explain the reasoning on why you joined that Reddit in the first place like you did with us here. You both need a trusting foundation. Tell her it’s a struggle you have had for a while like you have told us here. I’m sure she’ll be thoughtful, openminded, forgiving, and supportive hun. :))

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From: ManekiNeko

thank you for sharing what’s been going on, I can’t imagine the absolute hurt that you’re feeling. Indeed its such a violation. I hope you and your wife are safe from further contact from this person. I don’t know what leads people to want to hurt someone like that, what I do hope though is that you and your wife can focus on taking steps forward together. By the sounds of it she wants to support you. I’m hoping this can lead to being able to communicate with her how you’re feeling and also ease the burden of having to bear the burden alone in a sense.


From: eloquentpetrichor

Welcome Whales and thank you for opening up and sharing this with us. This sounds like a complex situation you are in with your wife and her ex-boyfriend. The fact that he was able to find and access this burner account of yours on reddit and felt it was his place to share that with your wife is incredibly concerning. I hope that you can establish the proper boundaries with him and your wife about the inappropriateness of that.

But with the main point I hope that this snafu allows you and your wife the conduit you need to talk and be open with her about your struggle. It sounds like she wants to be there for you and help you out and that is a valuable trait to have in a partner. I hope that you two are able to work through this and you find a healthy and happy life on the other side of your struggle.

Good luck and please feel free to come back and post here anytime about anything :hrtlegolove:



Hi Friend, I’m so so sorry that your wife’s ex boyfriend is trying to hurt you. I’m glad that your wife is encouraging you to open up about what is going on with you. I think having the support of your spouse thru this will help you recover and communicating about these things will strengthen your relationship. I would be a little concerned with her ex boyfriend tho and try to figure out how he found your information and why he did what he did so it doesn’t happen again. Take care! ~Mystrose


Hey Whales,

I am so sorry you are facing this. Having your privacy violated like that is never pleasant, to say the least. And to have it done via someone who is also meddling with your relationship is doubly hurtful. I am sorry, friend.

At least there is a silver lining, that you and your wife can now approach this together. I hope she has become your strongest ally in this, and ultimately this becomes a good thing. I am proud that you already have taken stops to address your addiction. I also hope that what ever relationship this ex has with you and your wife is thoroughly re-evaluated. I’ll leave it at that with them.

I wish you the best with all of this, friend.


From: twixremix

hi whales,

welcome to the forum, my friend! thank you for your vulnerability on how your mental health is doing. that is so horrible and frustrating that your wife’s ex boyfriend found your anonymous reddit and shared screenshots of you reaching out for help to your wife. for him to cross that boundary is horrible and i’m sorry this happened to you. addiction of any form deserves the support and understanding from those around you. while it’s a hard topic to speak to your wife about, i hope it brings comfort in knowing she wants to be there for you. that alone should show you that her love and care for you can’t be broken by an ex boyfriend’s attempt to hurt you. however, the anxiety and depression of both situations (the addiction and private info being breached) is probably suffocating.

i hope you can reach out to a professional about steps to take with the porn addiction as well as speaking to your wife about this ex boyfriend. he crossed a line that he shouldn’t have and you do not deserve these negative feelings. you just wanted to find the help and support you deserve. please don’t let this one guy’s actions deter you from continuing your healing journey. many heartsupport community members understand what you’re going through so please feel comfort in knowing you are far from alone. we believe in you, hold fast!


From: Mamadien

As I read your post, I see two different things going on here. One is that you are battling a porn addiction and your wife now knows. The other is that your privacy has been violated by someone outside your marriage. So first - it sounds like your wife could be supportive in helping you overcome this addiction. And porn is an addiction, just like smoking or other substances. It takes more than will power to stop for many people. If she is willing to help you, it could strengthen your marriage in the long run. How do you feel about asking your wife about why the ex would want to find and send to her your reddit posts in the first place? I know this hurts and is embarrassing right now, but with some honest conversations, I would hope that you and your wife can work through what is happening here. I wish you well.


Hello there, and welcome to HeartSupport! :hrtlegolove:
Thank you for opening up about such a sensitive and delicate topic, it cannot have been easy. You are very brave.

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with your mental health. But reaching out to get help and wanting to change something are already great steps you have taken. I am proud of you.

What your wife’s ex boyfriend did is not okay at all. He got involved in something that is none of his business. He violated your privacy and I find it very concerning that he would intrude in your marriage like that. I hope your wife agrees with you there, his intent was obviously a destructive one and I hope he will stay away from the two of you in the future and not try to contact either of you again. I completely understand how hurt and angry you are, I would be too.

I don’t know much about Reddit but as far as I understood it is pretty anonymous if you use a different name and profile picture. As to how he found you there I also cannot imagine. Was he actively looking for you? Again, I am so sorry this happened to you when you felt your privacy was safe.

All of this might also bring some positive changes. It can bring the two of you closer together, strengthen your marriage and build more trust. Your wife now knows about your struggles. She knows that you are actively trying to get help, an in you’re not just researching but even sharing your own story. These are huge steps forward. If I read it correctly, she is also being very supportive. She wants you to open up and be there for you. Maybe it is a good idea to include her in your progress, show her how much you trust her. That also leaves less room for outsiders to get between you, although I hope that he won’t try again.

I wish you all the best for your future, I believe in you. You have already shown so much strength sharing your story.

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I am blown away and heartened by all of the support on here. I was in a dark place yesterday. I plan on making this a positive.

The fact someone I don’t know would do something so cruel is hard for me to wrap my brain around. But her ex boyfriend must be hurting himself to do something so awful to me.

I am going to use this as a positive to be more open and transparent. I feel embarrassed and hurt right now. But I know that will pass.


Hi there @Whales871,

Thank you for sharing with us. We appreciate your trust and are glad that you’re here.

I also appreciate your maturity and optimism, finding the little positives in this and holding onto hope. Fun fact: Optimistic people tend to recover more quickly from adversity, so it’s awesome to see that you’re able to hold onto that trait, even in the wake of such a disconcerting experience.

Now that it’s been roughly a week since your original post, I wanted to check back in to see how you’re doing? This experience is so upsetting, so I want to reiterate that we’re always here for you if anything is on your mind (large or small).

Thank you, once more, for trusting us with this and for sharing. You rock!

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