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PTSD and self loathing

So… I moved at the beginning of the month I moved in with my buddy and his from the army we are both combat veterans. We’ve known each other for ten years. Me and my missus moved 700 miles away from where we used to live for a “fresh” start.

I’ve been here almost a month. Her two and I feel like a prisoner in a 9x12 room. Me and her fight more. I am constantly thinking about picking about picking up the bottle. I been sober almost your years beginning of December. My mental health meds aren’t working well. The constant noise of thier children is something I’m not used too.

My better half says that’s how life is and is normalizing this. And I feel alone and can’t lean on her for her support as she feels to “keep” the peace.

I don’t know up from down any more. As I write this I’m at the I don’t care stage. I still take my medicine but I feel as I’m going through the motions.

And it feels like everything I do is wrong. So I would rather just isolate than be social.

Moving here has been messed up from go. No I’m not looking for a pity party just looking to vent as my better half is exasperated with me.

Thanks for your ears and time.

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Hey @Yepitstuesday. I’m so sorry that you are feeling this way. I can relate to some of the feelings you are talking about, although it’s for completely different reasons. I don’t think I’m very good at replies. I’m not sure if I have the right words to ease your mind any, but I’d like to try anyway.

PTSD is an extremely hard thing to live with. It takes so much out of you. My favorite quote about PTSD and a few other mental health issues that I’ve come across to this point is this: “Me VS me is my biggest fight.” It’s so true…Constantly in a battle with yourself. Possibly at battle with others all of the time, or at least feeling as if you’re fighting with others constantly. The constant noise the children make, depending on the response your body has with the PTSD, can be overwhelming, overstimulating, agitating. You find yourself responding in ways you never would have before to things that other people don’t even notice. PTSD itself is overwhelming without the rest of it coming in from the outside. Just making it from one day to the next can feel like a huge challenge.

No one who’s never had this disorder will ever understand it fully, and so sometimes that’s why it seems as if we don’t have support. They do try their best to understand, but it can be hard for them to understand how your PTSD affects you and why it affects you in a certain way, especially when they knew you before.

I’m glad that you are still only thinking of picking up the bottle and haven’t done it yet. You have been sober for a long time. I hope you keep your sobriety going for a much longer time. I have a question. Is there something you can do that would take your mind away from these things? At least when things start to get overwhelming. Something that you liked to do before. Reading, crafting, painting, whatever it may be. Or even something new that you’ve always wanted to do but never did before. Something that would be a short term get away from what’s going on, at least until you’ve got a little bit better of a handle on your symptoms. You don’t have to answer that here if you don’t want to, but it’s something to think about. If you do have something to try, you wouldn’t want to do it so much that everything else in your life gets ignored, but it would help to have something to concentrate on to take your mind off of the kids and the small living space.

As for the meds… Well, I have a very specific point of view on taking those to help with PTSD, but I am not going to say it here. All I can tell you is to keep trying. Keep going to your doctor regularly and make sure to tell him/her how the meds make you feel. I hope that you find one that will help.

Please come back to talk again when you feel the need.

Thank you so much for your service. I salute you.

@Daisy I whole heartedly agree that its a Me vs Me battle. It is a struggle. I was diagnosed 2008 and that was rather eye opening to say the least.

As to my sobriety. I enjoy it. Do I miss the drink? Yes I do. Do I want it? No cause I did not like that person I was.

I do color therapy, stream of conscience, creative writing, and various other things.

Yea I understand on the meds no need to apologize I get it. :slight_smile:

There are a few things i am considering when it warms up that I would like to try.

Thank you for your salute but no need i was a young man with no direction or purpose and I was given that and got to neat places and some not so neat places

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I wholeheartedly disagree. I can disagree with you about this until the cows go home. There is a need to salute you. You chose a path that most people never even consider, and it’s a hard path. It doesn’t matter that you chose it because you didn’t know what else to do with yourself; you still chose it. You defended millions of people that you didn’t even know. Since you said you’re a combat veteran, I’m 98% sure you’ve seen things that most people could never imagine. I’m not a veteran, and I’ve never been in an army, so I can only imagine what you’ve been through at the front. I realize that you get to go places you’d never go to otherwise, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be saluted.

@Daisy I understand I just try to stay humble is all. You’re right we can argue this till we are blue in the face on the matter and there is no need for that.

I do accept your gratitude respectfully. Where I used to live it seemed it was a bunch of token lip service (south east U.S. )And media portrayal does not help in some instances.

In new today’s news I’m doing better. I drew a bit last night. And had a hot shower and told myself today is gonna be a good day. Again day at a time.

Again thanks for listening or lurking

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