So I’ve been staying with my parents for a few months when quarantine started. I thought everything was good but today I overheard my mother telling my father how much I stressed her out. I honestly didn’t realize that I did. We have some differences in beliefs that apparently stress her out when we talk. I really thought that my parents were proud of me even though I am not exactly like them. It’s starting to feel like they are proud of all the ways that I am like them and are ashamed of everything else. It really stings. I guess I’m lucky that they don’t hate me or anything but it hurts to know that they don’t look at me like an adult. I have an apartment in another state that I’m paying rent for and I’m starting to think it would be best if I headed back out. I’m concerned that being alone will be really bad for me but I don’t want to stress my parents out either. Not sure what to do.
Hey friend,
First off, thank you so much for sharing all of this. It’s not easy to share about what’s going on, especially when you’re a situation that makes you feel ashamed about yourself. Shame can be such a destructive and isolating feeling. Yet you are here, taking some time to be vulnerable. Thank you. 
It sounds that your parents and you have been through some misunderstandings and, maybe, some honest communication would be needed here. I understand that maybe you heard them discussing by mistake, but now that you’re aware of what they said, it could be positive to talk with them and see how you can all improve the situation together.
I hear you though. It hurts when you realize that what you did or said made someone else uncomfortable, especially when it’s family. And it hurts to feel like they don’t trust you enough to talk about it directly with you. But it can be uncomfortable to have this kind of discussion. Unfortunately, we tend to naturally avoid what makes us feel uncomfortable… so a question here would be: is it better not talking about it? Because this sounds to be a communication issue. Something that could be solved eventually through an honest and respectful discussion. It is obvious, just through your message, that you care about your parents and you want to make sure that everyone is comfortable. It’s a really positive motivation that you have here. And on the other hand, it could be very destructive to isolate yourself and start to create your own concluson about this situation. Try not to isolate yourself for unfair reasons, friend. It’s okay to have different beliefs than your parents. It’s okay to be different than them. You are you. And you don’t have to please them all the time. But there is also certainly a balance to be found here in the way you communicate together. You can also agree on disagreeing and still consider the love that you have for each other as a priority.
Quarantine has also been a really stressful season for a lot of people. It was unexpected and hard to deal with for many of us - if not everyone. We don’t necessarily how to deal with a constant proximity with our loved ones when we have to share the same space. During this season, a lot of people certainly said a lot of things they didn’t mean to others, just because they felt very overwhelmed and drained. It doesn’t mean it’s right. But it’s also positive to be aware of it and learn from this situation. You are in a position right now where you can try to turn something negative into some growth in regards of the relationship you have with your parents. Both you and your parents will certainly need to give to each other some clues to have a mutual understanding of everyone’s perspective - for them to consider you as an adult, for you to be more aware of what is stressful to your mom and why.
Mistakes happen, friend. We can always learn from that. But it requires us to give ourselves the grace and compassion we need as well. You’re not a bad person. You’re not irresponsible. You’re only human. And you are enough as you are.
I hope the situation will get better between you and your parents. I know from experience that when hurtful things remain unsaid, it can be very toxic for everyone. So, just as a reminder, know that you are loved, friend. Sincerely.