Why am I so broken?
Why am I the way I am?
Why am I so alone?
Am I cursed to walk though life alone?
Why do I hurt so bad?
Will I ever find someone to help me live again?
Will I actually kill myself this time?
What am I doing…?
Can someone please save me…
all of these questions are probably the hardest things to face in life. i’m so sorry that you’re feeling like this and if i could take away all the pain from your shoulders, i would. the reality, though, is that we must take each of these questions and find our own personal answers and solutions.
i’ve recently questioned myself with a few of the same things as you. it’s a position i wouldn’t wish on anyone! but i leaned on family, therapists, friends, co-workers, and creative outlets to help find those solutions to things like “will i kill myself this time, why do i hurt so bad,” etc… and i hope with everything that i have that you can do the same.
i believe in you to find that hope again, and if you need a friend to spark the flame of hope in your heart, please allow me to be the one to say that it’s going to be okay. it’s hard now, it might be hard for awhile. but it will get better and you will find your solutions, your answers, and your hope. and i’m so excited for you to find that and i hope you are too. you got this, doomon, i am cheering for you.
We can feel through your words all the pain you’re carrying. I’m so very sorry you’ve felt alone lately. It’s hard to find a purpose in this once there is this overwhelming sense of loneliness that drains us. Though you’ve just accomplished something wonderful right here, which is to reach out and share your heart to a bunch of strangers. That’s powerful, friend. And that’s a major step in order to seek connections.
You are not cursed to walk through life alone. And if no one is showing up in your life at the moment, know that there’s an army of people right here in this community ready to support you during those difficult times. You are not alone.
Do you want to share a little more about what’s going on in your life, and what makes you feel that way? We’re willing to listen, without any judgment. You are loved and cared for. Your life matters, friend. Let’s try to get through this together.
It feels like an eternity since I posted this. Apparently it’s only been 14 days. There has been a lot that’s happened between my original post and now. So where to begin?
Recent stuff: ironically I’ve been out of work for 2 weeks and this doesn’t have anything to do with the original post. I went to the ER the first time in 6 days because I thought I had a kidney stone. Did I have one? Nope. At my follow up appointment, six days later, I filled out paper work and was way to honest with my answers with my depression. So after my appointment the doctor told me to go back to the ER because he was concerned for my safty. So basically, it turns out that there is something inflamed in my stomach. Cause? Stress or cancer. That is what this doctor told me. Because I went to the ER the second time, thus doctor won’t sign my release papers so I can go to work until I see a psychologist. That won’t be till the end of the month. So I’m basically stuck at home right now. I’m not saying I don’t need help, I’m not saying seeing a psychologist is bad, I know I need help. But staying at home trying to fight myself isn’t helping either.
So for the not as recent stuff. Communicating with people is one of the hardest things for me. The stuff going on above, for the most part, is out of my control. I’ve said this many times before, but I hate myself because I can’t communicate like most people. Sure it’s easier to post messages on an online board but it’s still difficult for me. Like my post said, I am still struggling with those questions. My mind I a mess tonight so I’ll just leave things here for now.
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