Last night I was helping my mom make dinner and she was trying to wash rice in the sink while I was waiting to wash carrots. I asked her if I could finish washing the last carrot so I could sit down because washing rice takes a while, and she said, “yeah go ahead and wash it”. So, I washed it, but my left sleeve came up a little after getting soaked from the water, and my wrist cuts were clearly visible. My heart started racing but about a second after they were visible, my mom looked away and shook her head. I’m not even sure if she saw them or not… no one has said anything to me about them, so I’m starting to get on edge about it, like when my mom calls me and tells me to do something for her I freak out. Last night I added 6 more cuts to my wrist and arm, so now I have 20 in total… I going to add more later I know that for a fact. Cutting myself calms me down for a bit but it also adds a layer of stress and things to worry about.
I know about that feeling… something like that happened to me before and I am still not sure whether they saw it or not. I think what you did was actualy smart. I couldn’t of thought of that.
I know it didn’t go good but it is not you fault that.
It sounds like you’ve been really stressed and on edge lately with not knowing if your mom saw the cuts or not. Self harm is a hard cycle because although it provides temporary relief, it is just that. Only temporary. All the feelings that come before harming always end upcoming back and it can be hard to see how that cycle can ever break, but it is possible. I can see you’re hurting a lot right now and although adding more cuts may seem like the only and best option maybe we can talk through some other possible things you can try when you feel like you want to harm?
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