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Rambling about my problems

This is just going to probable be pointless rambling, but I feel like there’s no point in me living anymore. I don’t really have any talents or anything special about me. I mean, i like to draw, but it’s not really productive. Even when I draw feel irritated and bored. It used to make me happy to draw and it gave me some sort of hope, but now that spark is fading. I’m 13, and I probably sound like one of those edgy/emo teenagers who say they want to die. I mean if that’s what you think I sound like then Im fine with it. I just feel like there’s no point. When I wake up every morning I just want to go back to sleep, but I get up anyways. When I go to school I feel unhappy, bored, abd unmotivated. I was like this when I was 12, but then after a couple months I started drawing and discovered more about my identity. This was something that made me feel happier, knowing who I am, and what I want to do. Now though, I feel like I’ve sunk back down into the same trench that I’d just gotten out of. It’s mainly because I feel like one of my close friends is drifting away and is beginning to say negative things towards me a lot. My second reason is that I’m confused on my sexuality, whether I’m asexual or pansexual. They’re completely different things, one being where you like all genders, and one where you don’t like any. I’ve never felt anything but physical attraction towards others, and I feel confused when all my friends have already determined on what they are. I know I’m still very young, and I should wait to figure out my life plans later, but I just don’t know. My last reason for these unwanted emotions is school. I mentioned earlier about how I feel about school, but there’s still some more things I’d like to add. My parents really care about my grades, at least my mother does. My dad kinda just rolls with it. But anyways, I’ve been getting some bad grades lately and my mother gets really irritated with me. The lowest grade she’ll tolerate is a B+. Other than that she really pressures me about doing better, talkimg about how if I don’t do good now, I won’t do good in the future. Anyways, I think I should probably stop here, because this has gotten kinda long and I only just joined this website. Thanks for reading this if your still here.
-ray

welcome to the heartsupport wall my friend!

most people know from a young age who they want to form relationships with. but this is not all people, and being confused about what your gender is is perfectly normal. though it seems that you’re having a hard time trying to know this. maybe you should have a chat with a therapist on this. forums online can also be of help.

if i read correctly you mentioned that you came to school feeling unmotivated. you also mentioned that…

i would suggest attempt a return to drawing and at the same time find out what you like, via surveys or some experimentation. that could be the motivation you need.
you’re still young (just like me) so there’s still time.

and finally you mentioned shchool pressure…

please don’t mind but your mum is a bit misguided. success in school does not always translate into success in life. when you have done your research into your interests you should ask your mum and dad to sit down and talk about the grades pressures on you and find out in more detail why your mum wants you to always ace at school. your dad can be your biggest ally in this so you can talk him through what you like beforehand.
please return here when you feel comfortable. there will always be someone to help you.
take care!

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