Random thoughts

most of the time i wake up in a bad mood. not the type of bad mood where i lash out on everyone and get angry, but the mood where i want to shut everyone out. i go downstairs once to get food and go back up to my bed. i act differently when i text the few people i have. i try to push people away. i hate it. its something that seems impossible to control. how do i stop this? how do i control it?

Acceptance. Look closely at those different responses to certain people. Which one of them are you the most open with? Go to them. Just talk. Get it out there. Make sure to build a support group of those you trust. Writing in a journal always seems to help as it gets those feelings out. You can then read back over the entries to see any progression and try some self counseling. Writing is the emotional part. Reading them over is the rational part. Practice using the rational side of your thinking to help you through this. The reason you are pushing is because of fear of rejection. You reject them before they can reject you. Just remember that those in your life are there because they want to be. They aren’t being forced. Have trust in them.

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but how do i say it? how do i tell someone that i want to die but don’t have the courage to do it?

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In my experience, you just have to tell them bluntly. They need to know you are serious. You can even write them a letter and sit there while they read. You can try saying something along the lines of “Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something. For (however long) I’ve been feeling really depressed. I feel like my life is not worth living.” Then tell them the gist of your story. You just need to be honest and sincere. You don’t want them to find out any other way than you. I let them find out in a way other than me, and I wish I would have just said something instead. It hurts more when they find out from something else because there is a feeling of embarrassment. Just plan it out. You can always message me, and I can help even more if you’d like.

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Hey @madisonreese.

What you’re going through is extremely normal and you’re not alone. Is there anyone you trust enough to talk to about this? Have you ever seen a professional? What you’re feeling is totally normal, but getting help would help you so much. You don’t have to live this way.
If there is anything we can help you with, don’t hesitate to reach out. All of us at heartsupport care about you and want to see you through this!

Hold Fast
-Kelsey

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Hey there Madison,

hugs It can be easy to isolate or disconnect from the world. I do it often too. It is possible that you’re an introvert and that needs alone time but you’re venturing into too much alone time. I struggle with depression and often wake up in a funk or strange numb mood and it can be hard to get out of that and jump into the tasks and things that need to be done.

A good suggestion would be get into a routine. Push yourself to do things out of your comfort zone. Don’t go back up to bed after you get food. Go hangout with some friends. You can learn how to change that behavior and your mood. Don’t get stuck in that behavior.

I believe in you! You got this!!!

With love and hugs,
Bethy - Team Out of the Ashes

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Hey @madisonreese,

Thank you for reaching out! You’ve taken the first step in the right direction of trying to get better - by vocalizing what you’re struggling with.

What you’re going through is the result of something deeper. For example, you’re shutting people out because [fill in the blank], or, you’re pushing people away because [fill in the blank]. It sounds like there are deeper-rooted issues that only you can dig and find. Once you find the root, there you will be able to leverage how you feel. If you feel like you need help to find the root, don’t be afraid to reach out to a licensed counselor to help you - there is no shame in doing this! We want the best for you and to help you feel better. Hold fast!

-Eric

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