Rant/ramble for suggestions and advice

HeartSupport Support
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I know whatever I end up saying at least once someone is going to suggest therapy, that’s great and all but I can’t afford it the “free” help is never free, and if it is it’s not useful. if there is one that someone knows of goodie but otherwise that suggestion is of no help for me. Now, for years I’ve had comments made on my size, I’m a large person, and my birthmark, it covers 35% of my face. as of recently, it’s been on repeat consistently in my head everything a rude person has said, an unintentional mean comment, even things my family has said…

A little background story… I used to live with my 2 best friends and they had messed with my stuff while I was at work I got mad and tried to stick up for myself and they kicked me out and ended up costing me months of stress and anxiety about a family item and it cost me $1,000 to get back it was in my family for 15 years and my dad spent most of his time on fixing it almost gone because of ego my dad is not dead yet but I’m not hopeful he would meet any of my future children. With that being said after being kicked out I had to move in with my brother: my 10-week old pup and I, for a while I was on the couch and eventually got a room. within a month of moving in with my brother, my puppy died in my arms not even 20 minutes after my mom told me I shouldn’t be allowed to have a puppy. Well, things are getting more and more stressful around here. My brother’s girlfriend is expecting and is due February 28th or so, she has 2 other kids. I am expected to cook, clean, take care of the 2 kids, and bring in money to help with bills. unfortunately, I can’t do any typical fast food or grocery store job I have a problem with my back no one seems to understand I turn the wrong way or stand too long I am down for days, but can’t show that pain. I’m in an open poly relationship with a guy and 2 other girls, they are all wonderful, but I haven’t felt like I put enough into that relationship but I also feel like there’s nothing else I can do. I have a sketchy relationship with my dad he and my mom are going through a divorce after 21 years of marriage, he moved 6 hours away with my dog and 2 pups. (in total I’ve had 3 puppies this year) he got rid o the puppies not even a week after moving and accused me of stealing his medication. we had not talked for 2 months and finally, he starts talking to me again and offers to give me my dog back knowing I can’t have him, the exact reason why he has him. I have nowhere to keep him he’s an escape artist. all in all, there’s just too much happening but also nothing important at thing given moment, for this past week I’ve done nothing but sit in bed watching 2 shows listening to music playing a game on my phone, and watching a 3 almost 4-year-old and a 1 almost 2-year-old all at once trying to overstimulate my brain to keep out the voices and intrusive thoughts.

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I’m so sorry you’re going through this time right now.
And I’m sorry that people have little to no discretion. There’s no need to comment about other people, and yet people feel it’s their right to remind people of things they are well aware of.
Sometimes people don’t see people as PEOPLE, they see them as whatever physical thing they can use to describe them, and usually in a negative way.
I hope there’s some people who take the time to know you as the whole person.

I can’t imagine the pain you must physically feel, is there anything that relieves it when it gets bad? You don’t have to answer of course.
I know I may not be full of advice for you, but I want you to feel seen and heard. That your story and struggles are heard.

Your dad sounds like he hasn’t really had a good think about how much responsibility the dogs would have been and now wants to throw it back to you. I don’t think you need that added stress, looking after kids is hard work! I get tired after a couple of hours of looking after someone else’s kids, so I imagine doing it every day is very tiring.
Honestly it sounds like you need to be kind to yourself and deserve a break from all the things going on around you. Like actually to get away.
Your relationship sounds like they’re a great support?
I hope things start looking up for you, you deserve it!

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Honestly I don’t feel like anyone knows the real me I don’t think that I do either, I’ve always been told to hide all my “problems” all of my life. There are so many things I’m slowly finding out about myself that I’m confused about.

I used to smoke all the time and it kinda helped but I’ve pulled back from it because it’s expensive. I also used to drive to a field or the woods with my dog and let him run around and in doing that I felt calm but I can’t do that anymore. It’s getting to the point where I feel like I can’t do anything for myself without feeling selfish or like a bitch.

A lot of people have told me recently that I need a break or to take time for myself but once again I feel like I can or I get in my head that I’m selfish.

my relationship was going great until Chrismas time when the family was in town and then he got sick I got my period then I got sick so its been almost 2 months since I seen them.

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Seems like it’s a starting point for you to be allowed to be yourself and share your struggles and not be shut down and told you hide.
You deserve to be heard and to find peace and happiness.

You’re at the point that you’re thinking that being pain free or finding some joy is selfish? You aren’t selfish, you’re always allowed to take care of yourself! You wouldn’t tell someone with a broken leg they’re being selfish using a wheelchair, so you can’t say that trying to relieve physical pain or mental challenges is selfish.

I’m so sorry it’s been such a long time since you’ve been able to spend time with them, do you know when you’ll be able to see them again?

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I’m glad you have decided to come here and reach out. I’m sorry that your circumstances are so difficult right now. Therapy is okay, but a person has to have a plan to get the most out of it, before starting. With that said, nothing you have written so far provides any indication that you are in need of therapy, at least not the expensive kind. However, having someone to talk to is highly therapeutic. A good listener can help you gain useful insight about yourself and what you’re dealing with. It’s as though verbalizing your feelings about the issues that you are facing, actually clarifies your perception of them. At that point, there is a better chance that solutions will come to mind.

At any rate, if there is no one close that you can really trust with your feelings, share them here. If you feel as though you are approaching a mental health crisis, call a crisis line, or text 741741. There is no cost involved, and they are pretty good at helping people calm down and find hope.

It sounds like your family is expecting too much from you. If you are working, household chores need to be shared equally, or at least equitably. I think you need to set a goal of finding a more independent living situation. I hope you can. It really sounds like there is too much going on where you’re currently living, making it really hard for you to relax and rest.

If you are in a working relationship, nurture it. Such relationships are a rare gift.

Until you have the stable and suitable place to live, it’s probably best not to have a pet. We are not up to the task of taking care of a dog, but I have volunteered at the shelter, and that helped out by giving me by “dog fix,” as it fulfilled my desire to be around dogs. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll adopt a senior pet, or do some foster care for dogs.

If your mobility is limited, and if you can get a doctor to certify that, the state employment office might have job opportunities that could work for you.

Please take care of yourself, and let us know how you’re doing.

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as of currently I do not have a job and I have no clue how to do any of that state stuff. as for therapy thats is more for the stuff I have yet to mention or a better way of putting in the mindset to share. all the doctor and talking to someone stuff is hard for me because of my dad he never went to doctors and every time anything medical happened is was hospital visits for him and he always said something negative about getting help for mental health.

as of today more thing has happened, my mom accidentally hit a 17y old boy with her little truck (he’s okay only a broken leg) and she got pulled over and completely searched for drugs because her now ex boyfriend had her drive him to a trap house he ended up having “rocks” on him and going to jail. I’ve been calling her every few hours to check in on her. she had told me everytime she closes her eyes she sees herself hitting that little boy and imagining it to be me or my siblings.

hopefully, I will get to see my s.o. Friday and hopefully that will help with some of the weight and pressure I feel. I was supposed to go hang out with some friends of mine today but obviously fate had other plans.

as for the dog thing, it is my 6-year-old dog he has a lot of sentimental value to me we got him February 14th and then my grandma passed March 18th he is one of the last things I have from when she was here she was the person I was the closest to.

one thing I have been slightly worried about is I get a migrane then like zone out like I’m switching and feel trapped in my body then my eyes go up and start twitching it has happened twice in the past hour.

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I used to have to go to the emergency room for shots because my migraines got so bad. Fortunately, I haven’t had a migraine in a few years.

If you are dealing with migraines, zoning out, and twitching, heading to the emergency room might be a good idea for you as well. Some walk-in clinics can handle that kind of thing as well. Are you really against therapy, or has it been a case of it not working very well for you? Sometimes people have to see quite a few therapists before they find one that works for them.

Stay in touch!

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I’m not against it just hasn’t seemed to work for me. and as for the emergency room or clinic i won’t go because all of the bad memories and anxiety.

hopefully I get to see one of my partners today I miss them so much. but I’m going on a last-minute trip at noon to drive 6 hours away to see my dad with my mom which is weird because they are currently in the process of getting a divorce which everyone agrees should happen. I think it’s just because they need something familiar and comforting which I understand but im most excited to finally get to see my dog after nearly 6 months. there’s also a possibility of me staying longer than the weekend but that’s the only time my mom can stay I don’t know if it would end up being a week or a month. so I basically am packing for a week not knowing if its going to be 2 days or a month

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I hope you have a good visit. We’ll be here.

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I’ve been completely alone for 2.5 days and I was trying to confide in one of my partners about my feelings and it got completely turned around about what I don’t do they just don’t understand how differently my brain works I don’t understand what I didn’t do I asked them to tell me and I haven’t gotten a response and that makes me feel like a terrible person but I also know its not my fault because it’s hard for me to comprehend a lot of things I understand a lot but it usually has to be explained to me like a kid very clearly and slowly.

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I’m tired of crying…

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Can I just clarify, you were trying to share your feelings with one of your partners and they turned the conversation to making you feel like you’re not doing something right? And they didn’t explain exactly what it was that you weren’t doing?
Sounds like you needed an ear to listen to you and so I don’t blame you for being confused when the conversation changed course!
Do you feel like you’ve been heard and your needs have been met?

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No no not at all currently sitting in the room at my dad’s house on the floor crying because im so upset they said I’m just fighting and complaining all the time too much when I’m just trying to tell him what’s wrong every time I tell anyone that something hurts they tell me that they have pain too in it I should just get over it when I’m just trying to tell them what’s wrong I get it I don’t feel the most pain in the world I’m just trying to talk to you why can’t I be enough I’m trying to communicate with the people around me the pain I feel isn’t just physical. For the past 3 days I felt alone and replaceable like I don’t even matter I was trying to make a few friends down here so that I could have somebody to hang out with and every time I tried I just said they were too busy I get people have lives but I just need somebody to talk to I’ve never said any of the things that might be wrong with me mentally because I’ve never been diagnosed with anything because I don’t like to go to doctors so I don’t know if any of what I think is wrong with me is actually what’s wrong with me because I know there’s things wrong with me I know that I’m a problem I need to work on it I’m tired of crying I’m tired of pain I’m tired of trying my all in it not being enough I know I’m not perfect I know what I’ve got problems but throwing me into the deep end expecting me to make it all the way over in no time is unrealistic I’ve got to be taught and have patience

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It seems like no one around me knows how much mental and physical pain combined I go through they hear me mentioned anything physical and then like oh it’s nothing I never mentioned anything mental because there’s no point when they’re just going to downplay it too

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:pensive: I just wanna talk to people

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Hey @whyorwhynot,

I see you. And having struggles doesn’t make you the problem. It makes life hard and painful but you are not guilty for having a rough time.

How are you feeling today? How’s your day going? :hrtlegolove:

I also want to encourage you to check out on the community live streamings on Twitch because it’s an amazing and safe space to meet members of HeartSupport, hang out, share life together. Here’s the different links to get all the information you need:

You are welcome in all of these places, especially if it can help you to feel less alone. There are people here who really care. You are not alone. You are loved just as you are. :hrtlegolove:

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They just broke up with me

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That is not what you deserved. I’m sorry you’re going through this. There are willing hearts here that want to support you. Your friends aren’t emotionally equipped to provide the support you need. Rather than admit that, they chose to say insensitive things and assign blame to you. I understand your reluctance to obtain professional support, but you need to communicate with someone who really can understand you. There’s a massive list of online support groups, all affiliated with “Emotions Anonymous” here: Entire List of Remotely Accesible & Virtual EA Meetings - Google Docs

Where it says “click here to join virtually online,” the actual link appears below the text. I think you might find them worthwhile.

They also have a Facebook page: Facebook

You are very much not alone. Stay in touch! Wings

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@whyorwhynot

Just wanted to mirror what everyone else is saying.

Everything you’re going thru, many of us here have experienced similar aspects. For some of us, the frequency at which these things occur could be on a similar pace, but it’s obviously different for every individual.

We understand the pain you’re in from a physical, emotional, psychological/physiological, etc. standpoint and are all here for you, even if others in your life aren’t.

But, I promise you’ll get thru this - lean on us, as needed. We’re all here for you and are only pushing Love and Support to you.

With the right support, from a supplementation standpoint, you can do wonders.

Feel free to ask/DM directly, if you’d like some assistance in building a plan for your current symptoms. No promises; as I’m not a doctor, therapist, psychiatrist, or any type of “certified” natural path physician, but I’m here if you’d like to try and alleviate some physical symptoms using my own knowledge and what I’ve gone thru.

I do have a day job, so I might not be as responsive, but will respond when I can. Always remember, you’re not alone.

This video really spoke to me and my own life circumstances - plus, it was very relaxing and uplifting. Would highly recommend a watch, when you have time.

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I’m just tired of trying my best and give my all and it not being enough because someone else can do more

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