Hello I recently found out about this from going to the tent yesterday in Chicago. I’m not a good writer so this might not even sound right and I might just rant so here it goes.
My mom has been struggling with money since I was 10 years old. When I was 10 my dad left to go on “vacation” before he left he told me that he loved me and he would come back in
2 weeks. In those 2 weeks I felt so alone my dad that I looked up to wasn’t there when I needed him or talk to him it was so hard. My dad left my mom for another women, he had other children. It was hard to see my mom struggle for so many years to get money so that I can have a normal life. Even through I know we don’t have a lot of money she still left me go out with friends, and let’s me go to concerts were I can meet so many amazing people, to let my self be me and be free.
I’m starting community college soon but I don’t know how that is going to go, I’m not a smart cookie never have. I’m scared to see what another world will look like, i’m scared to see what I might mess up. What I might get wrong, all these possibilities of me not doing the right thing. I know worrying about a boy is not the thing that I should be worried about but, I never was good with talking to boys or having them talk to me. I’m not the best looking either, I’ve never liked my body since I was young, I think that i’m ugly. I know that I shouldn’t worry about getting a boyfriend but I feel so lonely and not loved.
I know that this is selfish talking about stupid stuff that’s not even worth taking about. But sometimes I feel like I can’t talk to anyone, I know I have my family but I don’t want to talk to them about all this stuff that’s going on in my head.
Sorry for ranting about dum stuff, sometimes I feel like cutting. Who can I talk to.
So glad that you discovered HS at Warped in Chicago!! The beauty of this organization is that you can hop on the support wall any time something is bothering you, or you just want to vent, and there will ALWAYS be people there for you.
I am insanely proud of you for going to community college! I think you are going to kick butt. I know it can be scary, starting something new - but have faith in yourself! I think the experience will be a great one! I am in a similar boat…I am from Connecticut and in about two weeks, I am moving all the way to Florida for school, and I am literally terrified. BUT, deep down I know this will be an incredible experience. I know going to community college will be a great experience for you too, and you will learn so much!
Also, worrying about other people is just something we do as human beings. Totally normal, and I believe that you will absolutely meet some incredibly people (boys and girls) in college and you will just click with them! You won’t have to stress about how to talk to them, because they will just be totally in sync with you! I also don’t believe in “ugly” - so let that go from your mind! I struggled a lot with self image growing up, until one day I realized, just because I don’t look like someone that is considered “pretty” doesn’t mean that I’m not pretty. The sane applies to you! No one will ever be EVERYONE’S type, but you will always be SOMEONE’S type. I hope that makes sense. You are a beautiful person, Nat!!!
Never feel badly for jumping on the support wall and just ranting - that is completely what we are here for!!
Don’t be a stranger! Come chat on here whenever!! I wish you nothing but the best, and I am so glad that you found HS!!
One, you can always talk to us here. Two, none of your fears are dumb. We all go through different struggles, and I can say as someone that was scared about started college it is very scary and new. But there are so many things to look forward to! Community college is a great option, I utilized it and I am glad I did! I will also tell you I hit some bumps along the way, and you probably will too. That is learning, and it can be hard, but with support you will get through it, and probably enjoy it. Utilize your professors, the labs, and most school provide free counseling to students depending on the state/country you are in. Use those resources, and always come here to write and vent when you need. We are here for you.
Thanks so much for reading this, I appreciate it so much!
Thank you for being proud of me, let’s hope I do kick butt. Good luck with moving it will be a good change that can make you see different things in life. I will try and see my self as pretty.
I know that this doesn’t seem like much writing back to you but it does help me thank you so much!!
Thank you for sharing. You should never feel it is not something worth talking about, because one of the most important things in life is taking care of and prioritize yourself. Sharing is a good thing to do, because you set print to your thoughts and that itself can help you. Getting responses are also a good way to let you understand that it is worth the time - to know that you are not alone and you have indeed gone through hardships and are in a special situation. Life is a balancing act, and without having others to balance it out with, it can be hard to go through.
Having said that, it is nice to hear that you are starting community college! Congratulations
It is okay to be scared sometimes, but know that failure is one of the best way of learning. Those of us who fail the most might very well be the ones who learn the most. No one gets things right the first time, and those who think they have figured it all out maybe missed a lot. Don’t be afraid of trying!
You seem like a very nice, down to earth person who knows what is real and what is not. You have a willingness to share. These are good traits, and I’ve learned that these matter the most!
(Sometimes it is the complete opposite - to not share can be considered selfish, because one who does not share give little chance for everyone else to be a part of you, in good times and bad times. So no, you are not selfish!)
Hope everything goes well and good luck. You have our support and feel free to get back to us!
All love to you.
First off, I want to welcome you to HeartSupport! I hope you find a sense of safety and refuge within this amazing community.
I’m so sorry to hear about the poor decisions that your dad made in the past. Please know that it is NOT your fault (some people tend to rationalize the actions of others by saying, “It was my fault” - which is almost always false). My dad also wasn’t around during my childhood, and I know how debilitating it can be growing up without a healthy father figure. It takes a LOT of hard work to overcome the issues that come along with not being affirmed of our value, but it’s definitely doable.
I personally found college to be the best time of my life (I feel so old saying that). I left California for Colorado State, then came back to California for community college, then abroad to Australia, then back to California, then finally finishing up in Nashville, Tennessee. A LOT of anxiety can build up before going to college, and that’s completely normal. What you’re feeling isn’t out-of-the-norm. Instead of focusing on what could go wrong, start focusing on what could go right!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just because you don’t think you’re the best looking doesn’t mean that someone could find you as the most gorgeous thing ever. Be careful not to find validation through guys; as cheesy as it sounds, validation comes from within. You need to start believing that you ARE good enough, that you DO deserve more, and that you ARE worth it.
Thank you for welcoming me, I’ve found out that this had help me out a lot so far. It’s made me think that I am Beautiful, that it doesn’t matter what people think of me.
I’m glad that you said that it’s not my fault in having anything to do with my dad leaving, cause deep down I’ve been saying that it is my fault. It was hard not to grow up with out that father figure, because I sometimes I wanted to do what father daughters do but I couldn’t.
Wow that’s amazing for you to go to Colorado, then back to California, then going abroad to Australia, then back to California, then finally finishing in up in Nashville, Tennessee. That’s incredible to do all that, I’ve always wanted to study abroad. I will focus on all the things that I can do right instead of wrong.
“You need to start believing that you ARE good enough, that you DO deserve more, and that you ARE worth it.” I love this, this means so much to me thank you. I will try and start believing that I am worth no matter what.
Hey friend! This stuff that you’re deal with is really valid and super challenging and I can relate to this in many ways. You have obviously had a really intense past with some really challenging experiences. We’re proud of you for getting through this. Struggling with finances sucks. It is a really really really tough thing to deal with, especially while growing up. I’m sorry your dad left, that really sucks. It seems like he meant a lot to you back then. Whenever I miss a family member or friend that is no longer with me I think of the positive effects he had on me and other people rather than the negatives. Starting college is a big deal and it isn’t going to be as difficult as you likely think. In college you will make some lifelong relationships with friends and possibly future family. It is super awesome that you are starting college, the fact you’ve made it this far nonetheless get to college is pretty incredible. Wanting to self harm is a super challenging thought process, one of my biggest ways to cope is by using ice and applying it to the area that I want to harm. It isn’t a permanent solution and therapy has helped me a lot with that. I suggest looking into therapy for more help as well. We’ll always be here for you, hold fast.
-On The Brightside
Having problems with finances was really rough when I was growing up but, I started working when I turned 16, the money that I would get I gave it to my mother for when ever she needed it. My father did mean a lot to me but the way that he treated my mother and the way that he left me is hard for me to forgive him and miss him. I’m very happy that I am finally starting college and the fact that I did it with out my father means much more. I hope I will meet those lifelong friends. With putting ice on the places that I want to harm I will try, and when it works I will be forever grateful. Thank you for being here for me, I am here for u as well.