Read this: Answer Yes or No and Why?

[d_vlz]

To start this off it’s important to tell you that I work for T-Mobile as a mobile expert (salesman). A year ago I got transferred to a different location and when I did that I met a girl. This girl and I had an instant attraction for one another like nothing I had ever experienced before. To this day I couldbt tell you why, it was just natural and we hit it off quickly. The problem is that we were both in committed relationships at the time, but we didn’t let that get in the way. We disrespected our significant others by letting this interaction continue. Oh and she is also my boss…

This went on for roughly 6 months, but then I got too attached to her and she was still with her fiancé. I had hoped she would leave him and she did but the following act didn’t go as planned and she decided to distance herself from me. I let this happen and I gave her space…but too much space. It ended up me being heartbroken because she had distanced herself and our relationship was never the same after that. She to this day has not given me a full discussion on why she did what she did, in other words she “ghosted” me.

During that time she was seeing another guy, who just happened to be engaged as well. He was head over heels for her and he ended up getting a divorce to be with the girl that I wanted to be with. They seemed to fit better than we ever did, and as salty as I wanted to be because of how she ended things with me, I respected her decision and moved on…sort of.

I still have feelings for her to this day but because of how things ended between us, I have a level resentment toward her, we made it a point to not let it affect our relationship and we did an okay job but at first it was tough for both of us to treat one another like just friends without the sexual banter we used to have.

This became the norm up until a week ago when we were texting one afternoon about the schedule. During this harmless conversation I took it upon myself to engage in inappropriate conversation, I was flirting hard and she didn’t flirt back. It was just me. Well my gf came across my conversation with her when I let her use my phone one night because hers had died and she needed to use it. But she went through my messages and found the conversation between us and become very upset. She decided to involve other coworkers which really pissed me off because I obviously didn’t want TJ being my personal life into work any more than it had. Word got to her that my gf called her “a homewrecking cunt” when speaking with another coworker who shouldn’t have been involved in the first place and she took it to heart not only because of our passes relationship but because her current one as well.

She let the comment affect her so much that she told her now boyfriend that she wanted to give him space just until the divorce was final. She didn’t want to be a distraction to him while proceeding to divorce his wife.

Three days later he broke up with her.

His reasons was because he thought she was distancing herself from him when really she was doing it because she didn’t want to feel like a “homewrecking cunt”

We opened the store today and she was devasted because he ended it with her.

Based on the actions in the order that they took place I feel 100% to blame.

Is this true? And why do you think that?

[Confused]

I don’t think you should consider yourself to have 100% of the blame because you can’t control or predict how other people would react. It seems like this whole situation snowballed and you shouldn’t feel that you carry all the blame. Just because your action may have been the catalyst doesn’t mean that this same outcome wouldn’t have happened unless you did what you did. Meaning that if the relationships were fragile enough for this to break them apart then they weren’t going to last anyway.

Hope this helps

[d_vlz]

That was actually my initial thought. But the thing is, he doesn’t know about my gf calling her a home wrecker. He just saw it as her pulling away. Idk ifnthat makes any difference. But this whole situation is fucked and if I hadn’t of started texting her that I feel like she wouldn’t have gotten called out by my gf andnshe wouldn’t feel like that and stepped back from him. I just feel like shit and I know I deserve it. But she was balling in the back room today and all I could do is blame myself.

[NateTriesAgain]

What’s up @d_vlz, thanks for posting again man.

You know I’m a straight shooter, so I’m going to cut the bullshit again and hit you straight:

That’s the wrong question to ask. The heart behind that question is: should I feel bad that this girl’s relationship is ruined? It’s just about absolving the guilt you feel about her life going south as a consequence of your flirtation with her. Whether or not you feel bad about it actually isn’t the point…

The point is to learn from this situation. Where did you go wrong? Why did you do those things? What can you learn about yourself from those things? Do you notice any patterns between your actions here and your actions in similar circumstances in the past?

You’re in a season where you need to self-focus, YES, but self-focus in the RIGHT way…not just to make yourself feel better, but to make yourself BECOME better. That you would excavate your motives, you would dig down into your heart and get an honest look: why really do I do what I do? Where did I learn to think and act that way?

My highest hope for your life is not for you to feel justified and satisfied in what you do. And I hope yours isn’t either. There’s so much more, man. And it’s worth all the effort it takes to take that higher path. Will you take it?

-Nate

[_holls_doll]

I agree with @NateTriesAgain. You are taking full responsibility of this situation and you are not solely apart of this situation. She made choices as well throughout this that led to the outcome. Those are hers and hers alone and therefore not your consequences to bear. All you can do is self reflect on your role in the situation and grow from this experience. I know it’s hard. I understand you had deep feelings for this girl, but I’m a firm believer in things always work out the way that they are meant to. It may not always make sense at the time, but it eventually will. Hang in there.

[frapioggia]

Hi friend, I don’t think it’s all your fault. I think most of us can say they’ve been in a similar situation at least once, and believe me - you’re not to blame.
Sure, there are things you did wrong, but you’re taking full responsibility for choices that are not even yours. I understand you catched feels for her (and that makes things even harder for you), but everything will work out the way it’s meant to. Don’t rush it. Since I’ve been in a similar situation in the past, what I can suggest it not to act like you’re indifferent and try to get closer slowly.

Keep us updated, love you

Pioggia