So, my boyfriend has a very badly injured shoulder and on the 28th we find out what his treatment is going to be. Surgery is #1 on the list and if that happens he will not be able to do anything physical for the next 3-6 months. I don’t have a problem taking care of him at all and I’m happy to do it. He is disabled with a learning disability that effects his memory, so I already do a lot for him.
What I’m worried about is taking care of myself. I have fibromyalgia and most days, I hurt and I’m so exhausted all the time. I’ve relied on him to do the heavy stuff like taking the chairs out of the kitchen so I can mop or vacuuming once in awhile because sometimes I just can’t get it done and he knows how much having a messy house triggers me. Last night I had to deal with the trash and putting the bins out for collection for the first time, ever. His only chores were taking care of trash. Now, I am doing everything because he can’t do anything physical or he ends up in a lot of pain. The idea of having to do everything doesn’t really worry me.
What does worry me is how much pain I’m in this morning after dragging the bins to the curb last night. How am I going to take care of the house and him? Between fibro and debilitating depression, how am I going to deal with this? I can barely keep my house up as it is now. I’m also on disability so I can’t afford to have someone helping me. His family is very unreliable and my family is an hour away. I have carpel tunnel so bad in both hands that just holding the broom handle kills me and walking is very difficult because I have a tendon on the top of my right foot that has deteriorated from arthritis. I’ve put the surgery off for 10ish years because I know my boyfriend won’t be able to take care of everything and me. So, I’m always in a LOT of physical pain and sometimes it just too much.
This feels like it’s turning into a rant, I’m sorry.
I’m just having a lot of self doubt and anxiety about this. I need to take care of my body as well as my mental health and I don’t know how to find the balance in that or if I even can.
Depression and paranoia are playing a role in this too. The emotions and lies in my head from this fuel things and because I am aware of it, I can cope most of the time but it still comes and it still messes my head up. Feeling alone and just not wanting to be here anymore is hard to fight off, ya know?
I don’t know what I need from the community, but I just needed to say all that to someone. I can’t to my boyfriend because I don’t want him to worry about me or put his own surgery off.
Hi Lizzy, Oh I am so sorry you have all this on your plate. Its such a lot to deal with.
My Mum has fibromyalgia and depression and she also has a dreadful time over recent months and we have kind of swapped roles where I have become the mother figure as she has lost so much confidence so although I do not know what waking up with that intensity of pain and trying to get through a day when you don’t know how you are going to manage and it messes with your head feels like, I have watched and still watch my Mum do it and its heartbreaking.
Its so difficult to know what to say to try make things better when really all you want to do is take away that persons pain (your pain) because that would fix so much of the problem.
I watch you send the most wonderful loving messages of support to so many on here and it saddens me so deeply that you feel lonely and sad when someone as amazing as you deserves so much more.
I say to my mum that you can only do what you can do, I know how feeble that sounds but it really is all she can do.
Can no one from the family come to stay for a few days or even stop in once a week? Its so difficult but I really want you to try to give yourself a break and let yourself know that if there is something you cant do then its really ok not to do it even if its only until the next day. I have waffled a lot here so im sorry if its a bit mixed up, but I saw your post and I had to respond, I care very much about you.
Be kind to yourself Lizzy, you deserve that as much as everyone else please.
Much love, your friend Lisa
Thank you so much for your beautiful reply and support. It means a lot to me that you can connect in your own way. I’m sure your mother appreciates your love and support as well.
My son would come help if I asked, that’s not even a question. He’s a 911 dispatcher and works crazy hours, I just hate to ask because I know even if he’s exhausted he would come. I guess I could talk to him and his girlfriend. I’m sure if he found out I didn’t ask him for help, he would be upset with me. So, thank you for reminding me that I need to ask for help. It’s so hard to see the grey in things for me… it’s black or white and usually, I go to the negative way of thinking about things.
This is something I already do and thank you for reminding me that’s ok. I get very distressed if someone comes into my house and it’s not presentable, so not having a clean house is a trigger for me. I try to get one house cleaning thing done a day, but I can go days without doing anything even tho I feel that I need to. Sigh… .that doesn’t even make sense.
I just need to remember that I can ask for help.
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