Been maybe two week since I last self harm, and been a couple of weeks not drinking alcohol. My therapist tell not drink for a month. I did go to relapse prevention group ( I believe it similar to AA) hear about people struggle with addictions. Two I been ask is what is my value as a person and why I have hard time with radical acceptance.
Radical acceptance: When I was younger, and want to be a good person, growing up Christian and goody school boy, I want make the right decision and be functional logic wise adult. However, I had people telling how to be that person time most time and could bear not being that person. I also want good open mind person that accept everyone and that treat people with respect. To be good gentleman to women and be a role model. To the right things, however I made a lot mistakes I can’t take back. I feel sorry for myself and I want to people to feel sorry for me. I do try admit my mistakes, I’m always saying sorry, but I don’t seem to fix. I want to be always right.
Value: I been listening to podcast lately about why people in America feel guilty not working hard enough. In some I grew in culture that you had work two jobs, hustle culture, and if I don’t try hard enough I’m a bad person or lazy. Even let say not playing guitar one day or missing a workout or not doing anything creative or not doing all my DBT skills. It constant guilt that if I’m not my best self there something wrong with me. Also growing with workaholic mother, I feel guilt of not doing for people or saving money or not working. ( my mother is a good person) I feel I’m bad person because of it.
I guarantee, you are a good person. When you were younger, you allowed others to tell you what’s right and wrong, and adhered to their directions and beliefs. Now you’re an adult, and beyond the rules you learned in childhood, you have your heart to guide you. Sometimes life can be so irritating that one loses awareness of that inner guidance. With practice, you can stay in touch with it much more of the time. You can actually feel it, and the loving intuition it shares. Believe me, it’s there and it’s the most real and authentic part of you. Focusing on it can help you feel more peaceful. It can also help you to avoid mistakes.
Think of the times you’ve felt the greatest love toward someone, then tune in to and embrace that feeling.
I can tell by your writing, you’ve made a lot of progress, and you will continue doing so. I also believe you do try hard enough, it’s just that some things are harder for you than those you compare yourself to. I’m pretty sure working two jobs would be much harder for you than for many others. There are others who would have a much harder time holding one job than it is for you. Comparing yourself isn’t a good idea, because you were born with different skills and challenges than anyone else. Actually, no one should be comparing in a way that produces guilt.
The problem with dwelling on guilt is that it hurts motivation and confidence, and is very often based on inaccurate self perceptions.
Don’t try to be perfect. Just pay attention to the decisions you make in the present moment.
You may want to feel sorry for yourself, but I want you to feel faith in yourself. Even if you make mistakes, feel faith in your intention.
I question the belief expressed in the podcast that Americans feel guilty about not working hard enough, when most of them are doing all they can just to survive. There are a lot of people who are in a state of debilitating depression and despair. They feel guilty for being in that state, which is a shame because the guilt plays a huge part in trapping them in their circumstances.
Take care of yourself. I trust your heart and intention.
You do have shared a lot about self-hate and guilt over the years here. But I can tell that something has always been constant through your posts: your willingness to better yourself, to acknowledge your mistakes and learn from them. Now, time goes on and you have certainly changed, no matter what. And since you’ve been pursuing healing and growth, I’m sure there are elements of change to acknowledge in your daily life, and in your heart. Maybe it could be good to reflect on that one of these days? To really sit down and take some time to ask yourself: what are the signs of my own growth?
When we hate ourselves or feel constantly guilty, we are more prone to dismiss everything that qualifies us for the abilities that we actually have. It makes us look at one obstacle or mistake as something that define us as well, to the point of ignoring sometimes all the real changes and efforts that we’ve put into our own healing - no matter what it looks like. I challenge you to look at it, friend. I promise you, acknowledging your strengths and progress will never make you a bad of self-sufficient kind of person. You simply deserve some more grace given to yourself, especially if it could help changing this narrative that you would be a bad person - because you’re not.
