I don’t even really know what to write. The story is long and confusing and involves a shit ton of stupidity on my part, including sharing parts deep inside of myself with someone, parts that I had decided a long time ago that no one except a significant other would see.
I don’t believe in regretting loving other people, because everyone deserves love and kindness no matter what phase of life they’re in or what they’re going through, but he’s made me wish I’d never known him. Out of all of the bullshit I’ve had to deal with throughout my 39 years of life, he’s the first one who has ever made me feel that way. I’ll never be the same in several ways and all of those ways are negative.
I will always love him, but I wish I never would have known him.
I just want to appreciate you for putting this out there, I can tell you are hurting. You seem like someone who has a lot of love in their heart and whatever has happened is leaving you in a bad way.
I don’t know if you were wanting to discuss further or just get it out of your head? The journal format is a great start though to think through it.
Oh wow, I can relate to all of this so much. This is such a human experience, as well. I had my “he/him” in my life that I truly believed that I connected with more than I did with anyone else before, and I thought it would last throughout time. But, it did not, and I was heartbroken, lost, and felt very unwanted. Time passed. I learned how to be on my own, and I am stronger for it. I have looked back, and I know that the relationship with “him” would have been more hurtful than helpful. I am still growing. I am still healing. I believe it will be the same for you.
Do I wish things ended differently than they did? Yes.
Do I wish I avoided all of those frustrating feelings? Yes.
Am I thankful that I went through that to learn more about myself? Heck yes!
You will come out of the other side of the tunnel as a stronger person than you were at the beginning of all of this. I am proud of you that you reached out, you were honest with yourself, and feeling those emotions. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being you.
i’m sorry he has made you feel that way and the pain that is within the relationship you have with this person. i do need to say that i admire your perspective on everyone deserving love but also identifying when you need boundaries from negative emotions and feelings towards another person.
please know that this support wall is your tool to use to vent through any thoughts and feelings. we are here for you, we love you, and we will support you through this. i’m sending you all the comfort, love, and peace i have to offer.
