1, this is actually my first time posting here. I know our host has posted here a bunch, but since I’m pretty stable I haven’t had the need to post here. Well, until now.
A while ago I started talking to a person. We became good friends, and we still are. Shortly after meeting them, I realized that I wanted more than just a platonic relationship. I told them that I liked them, and they even said they felt the same, but we never started officially dating. But we knew we liked each other.
And then about a week later, I found out they started dating someone else. That sort of got to me. Why would they tell me that they liked me back, but then completely leave me alone? I can understand if they were uncomfortable with us being a system. Dating a system is hard and takes a lot of energy, especially out of singlets. But it really hurt to be told “I like you” and then be rejected for someone else.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them. I’m glad they found someone who makes them happy, and I’m glad their relationship is going well. I get that they aren’t going to date me and as much as that hurts, I’m not going to force a relationship.
I just really wish I hadn’t hoped it would have become something more.
It really is rough to get your hopes up, and then things not work out. You are right not to try and force a relationship. As it stands, who knows, maybe days, weeks or months from now, she may again become interested in you. If you try to force a relationship, she’ll just avoid you. Maybe you will meet someone else.
When we’re really young, a relationship ending seems like the end of the world. As time goes by, relationships usually come and go. If the separation didn’t hurt, it means you are not emotionally invested in the relationship. Some people suffer for so much from a separation that they close their emotions off. That may prevent the hurt, but it also prevents happiness. I was like that for a while, then I met the person I’ve been with for the past 27 years.
Romance is very unpredictable. It involves a lot of emotional peaks and valleys. I think looking for a relationship where there are more peaks than valleys is a reasonable goal.
I can see your hurt and frustration here! And it’s easy to feel like you’ve been rejected. But have you tried to talk to him about it? Maybe it wasn’t him meaning to reject you, you can have feelings for someone without wanting to be in a relationship with someone.
A perfect example of this, is I had feelings for someone. I cared about them a lot, they meant the world to me. But I knew that relationship wouldn’t be healthy for either of us, and so I didn’t pursue it. A few weeks later I began dating someone else. Does that mean I lead him on, or didn’t care, no. But I wanted what was best for both of us because I did care.
Just so we’re aware, the person in question here uses they/them pronouns.
And yeah, I guess it’s true, and I will also say I don’t think it would have been a healthy relationship for either of us just based on some other factors. But even still it does hurt. It’s getting a little better as time goes on, but it still does hurt a lot.