Rejection, loneliness, depression

first of all, im sorry if im hard to understand. its just because this is literally my first time opening up about all of this and don’t know how to explain it.

short summary at the end for those who don’t want to read my ‘whole’ story.

I lost the last person, who meant something to me. she just left without saying anything. no reason, nothing and she does not reply to anything anymore. she was the only one I trusted in the past year and she was probably the last one. she left me like everyone else before. I don’t know why. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, that everyone left me.
I only call someone my friend if I really mean it. im always there for them, try everything to make them happy, to make them smile. im a very good friend and was always nice to everybody. I tried to give everyone all of my love.
to be honest I think I lost some of my first ‘friends’ because I never was myself. I am a very introverted person, because of that I didn’t talk in the first 4 grades to anyone, my parents told me, that I have to find friends and have to talk when I visit the new school. and so I did. I adapted to everyone around me, so that they would like me. and it worked. I was happy. I was happy until 6 years later when I lost anyone around me within 2 or 3 months. at that point in my life I didn’t know who I was anymore, because I had no one around me who I can adept to, to be someone. I always was the person, I thought the others would like, but when no one was there anymore, I became no one. I didn’t know anymore who I was and became suicidal thoughts for the first time. it lasted a few month until someone realised I needed help. and then it all happened again. I adapted, had people around me, and lost it all again. that’s the point where I became friends with the person who recently left me. the first time in my life I didn’t need to adapt, because the person was the first person who liked the same things I liked. that’s when I realised who I really am. I never was happier in my whole life. and now she is gone like all the others. even though I know who I am now, I am not happy at all. quite the reverse.
I never could talk about all my feelings, even this right here, takes me hours to write even though its just one problem I have.
Another problem is my family. I still live with my family, right above my sister with her friend and my niece. Since I am a very introverted person I need much time for myself in the quite. But everyday my parents start fighting and I really wish they would just divorce. In addition to that they and also my sister keep asking me for help for things, they really should do on their own, because it is such stupid stuff. They are treating me like a servant. and if I say I don’t want to help they start shittalking me. I really hate my fucking family. the friends I had took me outside, away from my family where I could relax. now I am 6 days a week at ‘home’ because I only have a part time job and only work 1 day a week, where I have to adapt again, to work there.
I could write so much more, but it just would be too much

I don’t know if I wrote everything I wanted to write about, so here’s a short summary of what I wanted to write about:
- no friends
- no family
- cant talk to anyone about my feelings, because I don’t feel worth enough and don’t want to bother anyone with my problems (even this right here doesn’t feel good, because im just complaining)
- feeling lonely
- cant trust anyone anymore and don’t want new people around me
- I hate humanity, because of multiple reasons (-> I don’t want to live on this planet anymore)
- strong suicidal thoughts

I think this is it. I probably forgot something, but whatever.
Thanks in advanced to everybody reading this and sorry that I cant explain myself properly, but maybe you get a glimpse of what is going on inside of me.


Feeling alone is natural and one a lot of us here can relate to. I have a very hard time opening up emotionally. In fact I only have 1 person I 100% open up to. She’s been my best friend for 12 years now. It’s hard not having those people. Even during those 12 years she hasn’t been there consistently. It’s hard. Coming here and telling us is a great first step. And I am proud of you. You did great for coming here. Please keep coming back when you need it. Even if it doesn’t feel like it. Writing what you wrote and bearing your heart here even is strength. And shows great strides for what you are working on.


Hi friend. Wow. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate and a lot of pain and hurt that you are working through. I’m so sorry that you lost someone that you cared about. It sucks when people we thought were friends just walk out of our lives as if they were never in it. I have been there. I know how much it hurts. I’m very sorry.

And I’m sorry that you have to struggle with the hardships of family. I’m an introverted person myself so I know how important it is to just have that quiet time in order to recharge and feel sane. I used to live in a house hold like yours that was high stress and very demanding and I constantly felt like I was in the brink of breaking down. I understand.

Friend, you may not have someone directly next to you that you feel safe talking to but there is a loving community here that you’re welcome to be a part of. This community has made such a huge difference in my life. I encourage you to join heart supports discord server where you can connect and talk to other people who can likely relate to your situation and offer understanding and encouragement. You don’t have to be alone in all of this. A lot of people here have hardships and we just all try to support one another.

I have frustrations with humanity too sometimes. Often making me feel depressed, stressed and anxious so I get you there.

If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts I highly encourage you to reach out to a hotline friend because you are worthy of love and deserve being fought for. I know things suck sometimes but it can get better. You are important and you matter. All of these feelings you express matter and are valid. I’m sending you lots of love. I hope and pray that you find the strength and courage to keep fighting

Hold fast

  • Kitty

Everyone feels lonely, even I was lonely and depressed. Sometimes you can’t try to be friends with everyone, friendships happen naturally. Not everyone needs friends to be happy. God loves you, He cares about you. As long as God respects you, you’ll be fine.

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