I self harm two day ago, over making a phone and stressing about my stupid solo project. It was also probably everything boiling up inside and just out no where I was screaming and punching myself. Later that night I got shit face and my dad though I had go to hospital.
I feel I can try do DBT therapy, Medication, Meditation and everything. But this still happens, I still scare when the next relapse is going to happen.
I sound foolish saying I’m not an achoolic, most I have control in my drinking. But on the other hand, when I’m sanding drinking numb the pain. That I drink fast and it’s put me into a dark place. My parents trust me less now because of it.
Selfishly, I do like drinking when I’m reasonable. I do trying 90% not to get drunk. I drive safely if I had a few beers and also don’t get arrested.
My therapist said go to AA meeting, some I think I don’t want admit I have another problem. And I’m going to DBT group and therapy, I don’t feeling finding a group and paying more money.
From where I’m sitting, that sounds very much like you have a drinking problem. You have demonstrated a classic symptom, poor judgment, as evidenced by believing it’s okay to have a few beers and then drive. I know tons of people do that, but every one of them is demonstrating poor judgment. You might think my attitude is extreme, but I grew up with an alcoholic father, who also believed he could drive safely after a few beers, then proceeded to have accidents, and I had to bail him out of jail. A close friend of mine was killed by someone who was drinking.
Then there’s the issue of mixing alcohol and medication.
You are at times depressed. Alcohol is a depressant. Therefore, using alcohol to deal with depression is like trying to use gasoline to put out a fire. Numbing the pain with alcohol, often leads to the pain being worse when the alcohol is gone. That creates an emotional dependency, if not a physical one. The bottom line is, alcohol is not your friend.
I think the right medication can take the edge off of your impulse to scream and punch. I also think you need to pay really close attention, to figure out what triggers such upset, and deal with it immediately rather than let those feelings of frustration build within you. It makes sense to be worried about when the next relapse might happen. It might be worth writing notes to describe what was going on in each case of relapse. That might help you to avoid, or prepare for such episodes.
AA meetings are free, and you can just show up. It’s an opportunity to share stories, feelings, and support. Also, there is certainly no harm in giving it a try. What have you got to lose?
you could look at this another way. By going to AA, byt getting a handle on the drinking and how you react after you’ve had drinks, will EMPOWER you with the knowledge that you’re in control. It may feel good to lose control for a second and to be numb, but it only lasts for a second and there are so many other issues it brings up, like driving drunk, hurting yourself, scaring your parents.
It could help you understand yourself better, understand your triggers and how you’ve been coping with those stressful moments.
Hoping it all works out for you, friend. And thanks for sharing this with is, it can be scary at first when you start thinking that you may have a problem with drinking. So good job on taking a hard look at it, and trying to be honest about it.