First I want to tell you that I love you! You’re freaking amazing, and you’re such an encouragement to me, and you are a needed member of this community and you are wanted here, and you are loved, and your life is valued.
Secondly, I want to sat that I am so proud of you, I’m proud of you for having the courage to come to the support wall, and reach out for love and support! Cause oh my goodness friend you are so worth it! We are not disappointed in you, we are not mad, we aren’t any of things. We still love you the same, and we will be here to walk along side you, and love you!
Now I want to touch on some actually topics of the post. You talk about how you were ten months clean, doing well, and then something happened. There was either an event or set of events that lead you back down the path of addiction, and I encourage you to examine that and see what that “thing” was or “things”. You mentioned working 56 hours, and we talked about it on stream some, how even when you were working before you weren’t working that much, so maybe that’s something to think about and maybe not work so much. Now friend I know that this is not easy. I work ALL THE TIME, plus go to school, have my internships etc. But I want you to know that your mental health declining is not worth that extra money you would be making by working more hours. To someone who loves money, and being able to afford things I want, this is tough. But unfortunately I told my job I couldn’t work full time while going to school because it was destroying me.
Dan touched on this some in the VOD, but I encourage you to tell your friends, like hey this isn’t the life I want to live. I don’t want to go out and and drink all the time, it’s not good for me. And hopefully your coworkers will be supportive of that, and if not I’m sorry. But don’t get discouraged, or continue just because your coworkers aren’t supportive. This fits pretty close to what I’m dealing with, with my recovery last night. I used to go smoke, and drink and use with my coworker, and with the help of my hs support group that i have in a discord dm, I gained the strength to just tell him hey I don’t want to do this anymore, I don’t want the pills, I don’t want this life.
And honestly he was pissed at first, and I was ready to just continue but I knew I wanted a better life. And I know you know this just as well as I do that recovery isn’t easy, and it’s a daily freaking battle, but we will be here to walk along side you and love you, and support you. I was talking with Nate the other day about this, and we were talking about recovery. And something he said will forever stick with me, and I hope that it gives you hope as well. “Clean days don’t matter, if you don’t have freedom from the addiction in the end.” And it’s so freaking true, desire freedom not days clean. Now this isn’t saying go relapse because days clean don’t matter, but your desire for freedom from the addiction will lead to more days clean. But also remember that relapse is part of recovery.
Something I struggle with in my recovery is knowing that I’m loved, and important, and I deserve love and support in life despite my relapses. And I hope you know and believe that as well, because it’s freaking true! You are freaking loved!
Hbus, I love you so much. And you mean so freaking much to me, and every time I see your name in discord or the streams it just makes me smile! Your life has value, and you’re so important. Your relapse doesn’t define you, and you can and will get through this! If you ever need someone to rant to, don’t be afraid to shoot me a message on discord! Love you so much! <3
Hold Fast, You’re Worth It
~p.s~ sorry for the super long response here, but this topic hits my heart close to home, and I just want you to know I love you, and you’re not alone.