Relapse (possible trigger for self harm and blood)

I feel numb. I just feel completely empty and numb, I can’t feel a thing - I feel like there’s just an empty space in my head, like I’m not really here. I cant make myself happy I can’t make myself feel anything but I can make myself feel pain. When I do it I can feel it run through my body, it hurts on the outside and on the inside it’s like it’s lifitng me up. From my feet to my shoulders I just get a tingling sensation and my thigh feels like it’s pulsating. It’s a feeling I can’t explain but is better than no feeling. I like watching the blood ooze out - it makes me feel like a sick freak saying that and I don’t know why I like seeing myself bleed it feels so good. I know I shouldn’t be doing it only because people have repeatedly told me I shouldn’t do it. But my brain see’s nothing wrong with it. 2 or 3 cuts is nothing it’s not a big deal.

@RiotDrummer thank you for being honest and trusting us. I have self harmed for around 13 years, I understand the relief and feeling of freedom that comes with harming. 2 or 3 cuts can still be severe. You wont be judged for relapsing here, at all. Keep fighting, we love. I’ve relapsed over and over in my recovery but HeartSupport have kept me going… Let it be the same for you

Hold Fast
Kayla

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@RiotDrummer

It is a really hard place to be in, when you don’t feel anything - at all. I can relate to this. It is very difficult to live each day feeling like a numb, hollow robot. I don’t think you are a freak for saying that cutting helps. Not that this is a healthy coping mechanism. But, I can see where you are coming from. At least you feel SOMETHING. Be gentle with yourself. You are dealing with a very difficult circumstance. Is there anyone in your life who you trust enough to be honest with about your struggles? It may help to have someone who you can go to and be real with. If not, it’s okay. We are here for you. It also may be beneficial to seek out counseling, if that is an option. Have you read Heart Support’s book, ReWrite, about overcoming self harm?

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Hey Riot,

Thank you for being open with us- I know it’s not easy.

I want you to know that any harm you do to yourself on purpose to make things “better” is self harm, ok?

2 or 3 cuts IS a BIG deal, it really is. One cut is a big deal- any kind of harm you do to yourself on purpose to make things “better” is a big deal; please remember that.

I know it’s hard but I really encourage you to reach out. Maybe to a health care professional or to a school counselor or teacher. There is help.

I believe in you. Hold fast.

With love,
Lyss (ur old pal Blurryface)