Relating to a friend

my best friend of three years finally opened up to me more about some stuff that’s been bothering him and i didn’t know how to help but i did the best i could. he ended up telling me that he feels bad for telling me because he knows how much shit i’m dealing with right now and that kind of just broke my heart. i told him numerous times that i’d always drop anything no matter what it was if he was upset about something and that he could come to me about it and i wouldn’t care about my own problems but i don’t think he gets it. i just want to make him happy. i don’t want him to feel like he can’t come to me with stuff… it’s a part of the reason i stopped telling him things. i just started talking about small frustrations i was having but i guess i shouldn’t do that either. i feel horrible. i really just want to support him. but at the same time, i’m being hypocritical. me not going to him with any of my problems because i feel bad for putting too much into him but telling him to come to me with his problems when he feels bad because he’s putting stuff onto me is just ironic… i can deal with things on my own but i know it hurts him to keep things inside. i don’t want him to feel like that. i really want him to be happy… he’s everything to me and thinking about how he might be upset while we’re talking just puts a weight in my stomach, chest, and throat. it makes me want to cry because i feel so helpless for never being able to properly help him. he also said that he doesn’t like talking about things because he wants me to view him as some ball of sunshine. i told him i wouldn’t think that anyway. it it’s okay if i don’t. i like seeing him with his sadness and his happiness. nobody is perfect and i still love and care about him anyways. why cant he understand that? i want him to see me that way too. i try my best to be happy around him and not be too upset about anything because i want him to feel at ease and not have to worry when he’s talking to me. he’s a source of serenity and happiness for me so i want to be that for him. how do i do that if i never know what to say? both support wise and just regularly. our conversation runs dry and i don’t know what to talk about. i ask questions but i feel like i’m just pestering him at that point. ahhh interaction is so difficult…


Hiya Echo
Lovely to meet you and how wonderful it would be if everyone had a friend who cared and loved them as much as you do your friend.
From what you have said you both have a beautiful and very trusting relationship. Its so hard to find that friend who you can share every part of life with, the good the bad and the ugly and that they are prepared to listen, understand and be there. It is not always possible to fix that person but just to be there in their time of need to let them know that no matter what they are loved and supported and heard is a great help.
The things you are feeling and wanting to say to your friend are so heartfelt and its very sad that you dont feel you can say them to him, none of it to me feels anything other than someone wanting her friend to know that he is such a light in her life and so very important and that she will always be there for him no matter what. I dont see why that would be seen as upsetting or pestering in anyway.
I would love to hear that you are both more comfortable in your friendship with respect to this as It appears this is the only thing that is holding you back and no more dried up conversations,
Take your time, speak from your heart and you wont go wrong.
Good luck
Lisa :heart:


From: Ashley- (Discord)

Thank you so so much for sharing friend! It takes a lot of courage to share the things we are feeling/dealing with. It sounds like you and your friend have a really solid relationship. Sometimes it can really be hard to open up to people, even if those people are close friends. The most we can do for people, even if they’re not opening up to us is just to be there for them. Being there can mean listening, or it can just literally mean “being there” with the person so that they know they aren’t alone. You’re showing him that you’re a trust worthy friend who is dedicated to him and wants to be there for him. I don’t think he thinks your pestering him. Like Lisa said, when you do talk to him, take your time and talk from the heart. You’re doing a wonderful job friend and remember you are loved <3


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