Relationship Advice?

Me and a online friend of mine have been starting to get closer and I think we’re both starting to develop feelings for each other. We both are starting college in the fall at separate universities but we plan on attending the same grad school down the line four years from now.

I’m just hesitant about my feelings because 1. Personally I don’t like the idea of spending my college years in an online relationship 2. We both have mental health issues that effect interpersonal relationships so we would have to get that worked out

And on the other side I don’t want to throw this special thing away. Is there a way to stay friends for four years then start getting serious? Plus by then who knows if we feel this way about each other after all that time.


Honestly, it depends on how it goes down the road. Sometimes, it’s best to see how it goes throughout the first month or year. Though, you can still keep in contact if you both keep continuing to communicate online and even schedule a time to vacation together during the summer. Even if it means for a few days. However, on mental health issues. Try getting a therapist together or consoling each other whenever you can. I’ve also had this problem to with my significant other and we thought of getting therapist too. But it’s up to you how you want to handle the mental health issue. It could be through self-counseling or plainly getting therapy for the two of you. Simply spend time together and talk about your problems and issues in life. This can get a relationship going well if you choose to do this. Thou don’t go all out but just take some steps before you take it seriously.

Hi @OMAMfan

Thank you for posting. I think this is a good conversation you should have with your friend. Get an idea where they are with all this too, because they might not be thinking the same way.

Personally, I would prob just try to remain friends and see what happens after school. I’ve done the online relationship thing and I really don’t think I would do it again, it’s just too hard. Throw University in and everything that goes with that… It’s a lot.

I would have a discussion with your friend tho just to see where they are in all this. :rose:


Hello @OMAMfan

I echo Mystrose on this.

My husband and I got married right after I was forced to move hours away from where he went to college. We were long distance married for something like 1.5 years. We saw each other for a few days a year and it was very hard. I ended up getting worse depression and all the meaning in my life felt like it had vanished. And I’m sure it added stress to my husband’s studies.

Considering you both are dealing with some mental health issues and are looking at 4 years apart, I would recommend you stay just friends until you go to the same school, assuming of course you too haven’t drifted apart in that time.

This is a tough issue. I feel for you. You’re right on all counts. This is something special that would be a shame to let go, but there are a lot of issues with pursuing it. I commend you for thinking it all the way through.

As far as staying friends, I think that’s a tough one. Staying friends, especially if you both acknowledge you have feelings for each other, is a thinly veiled and highly restrained relationship. You would have the sense of commitment to each other that would make you hesitate to pursue other relationships, but you would be denying yourselves the freedom to express your affections. I had that experience in my early college days, but IRL, and it ended in frustration and hurt. That’s just my perspective, shaped by my experiences, but there you have it.

The feelings you have for each other, and the potential for a relationship, are like a boat heading out to sea. You don’t want to miss the boat, but it might be better in the end if you did. One thing I believe though, is that friendship with feelings involved is like trying to keep one foot on the boat and one foot on land. It will tear you up.

My advice, which is counter to what the others have said and isn’t objectively right, is that you need to take a leap of faith one way or the other. Either go all in on an online relationship, or let go of the idea of “something more” and go all in on the college experience. On one hand, you don’t know if having that online relationship will turn into something special that will be bigger than the distance. I hate the idea of star-crossed lovers missing out on a chance at love because of logistical issues. On the other hand, you won’t know if you’ll be missing out on something or someone great by restraining yourself in hopes of something with this person in the future. I know I missed out on a lot of great opportunities by holding out hope for my crushes. I’m not telling you to not be friends with this person anymore, but if you decide you want to be free to meet people in college, I think you need to abandon the idea of having a romantic relationship in 4 years. I think it will just hold you back.

I wish you well. I have been in a position similar to you. It’s hard, and there is no easy answer. Good luck in your decision, and know that on a long enough timeline things will work themselves out one way or the other.


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