I’m in a middle of a situation that I don’t believe I can assess correctly and objectively, hence I just need an authorative, non-biased opinion that I can count on.
I’m currently in the longest and most meaningful relationship with a girl that I have ever had in my life. She provided me with a lot that I was missing in life - sense of purpose, emotional comfort and so on. We have been together for almost 2 years now, however I’m starting to doubt and experience very conflicting thoughts regarding our future.
For a long time, I have perceived her as the person for me. I was loving her for what she is, despite her flaws. I have always been the one to adjust to her preferences and make sure that I design the type of connection that she wants and needs, despite what this costed me. I’m always compromising and although it hurts me that she is not appreciating or seeing that, for me this didn’t matter, since the only thing that I have been concentrated on was achieved - to continue our relationship.
We have experienced a lot of issues, as the dynamic in all of them has always been a raised problem by her side (I can provide examples) that I had to adjust to. With the time, she became more and more malicious and aggressive, being irritated by almost anything and not being able to communicate an issue without yelling, calling names and being disrespectful.
She also started studying abroad, so we have been in a long-distance relationship for awhile now. She often gets in episodes, where she doesn’t talk for days, doesn’t communicate at all and is being incredibly irritated at myself. Moreover, as we have been discussing living together, I start to think that our relationship is not a priority for herself, as much as it’s for me, which hurts a lot.
I sense starting to perceive her as a toxic, egocentric person, which is a notion that upsets me tremendously. I’m a very calm and collected person - I don’t like conflicts and arguments and I constantly do my best to avoid them. At the same time, I’m quite emotional and feeling tension and lack of clarity by her affects me a lot - in the moments she is not communicating or distancing herself, I spend the days overthinking about that and not being able to properly operate, as I now feel that I start to lose respect of myself for almost losing my identity, due to my constant urge and willingness to compromise myself for the relationship’s sake.
Besides, she is hinting at the moment constantly that she wants to stay at the location she is studying at and I’m not sure how I feel about that. Firstly, this gets me the idea that she is not thinking long-term for our relationship and, secondly, she doesn’t value my perspective on the situation.
I’m not trying to blame her for everything, I certainly have my flaws, but - trust me - I have been dedicating my whole life to making sure she is receiving the best relationship that I can provide and develop. My question is whether these situations are normal and makes sense to overcome them or I’m in a toxic loop that it doesn’t make sense to fight for. Apologies for the chaotic message, I know that what I have presented is nowhere near for you to get a proper outlook on the situation, so I would be more than glad to provide additional information, but I just need some help here, since I feel incredibly lost.