There was this girl, and from the moment we met, I knew we will be inseparable.
After years of having no friends, she was the first and only friend I had. She was my best friend.
Years of both of us going through some trouble passed, but we still stuck together. It was us against the world.
A couple of more years pass, and she starts to change, starts to not talk to me about stuff and only half heartedly listens to my words.
A moved to a different country and she wouldn’t pick up when I called or didn’t respond for months if I texted her.
Still, she called me her best friend.
Then she moved even farther away, and I gave up on trying to be a friend. But I was always there when she called, she drained me and robbed me from all trust.
After being put in a ton of emotional pain and trust issues, I confronted her with everything I felt and how she hurt me and made me feel like less of a person.
She didn’t understand.
But she still called me her friend.
I told her I don’t want to maintain that so called friendship and she flew back to her new home.
One more time after that I saw her and she wanted to talk, but it didn’t end so well.
Months pass and the other day I wake up to a message from her. She wants to talk because she “misses me”.
Seeing her name on my phone made me so incredibly angry and confused.
I know she’s toxic and yes, I was grieving our friendship, but I finally got over it and moved on and understood that we will never get back what we once had. I finally understood that she is toxic.
I told another friend that she reached out, and I said I won’t respond, he agreed.
The thought of this message and her still make me so angry.
Angry enough to hurt myself and take it all out on me.
Last night I fantasized about getting myself into hospital, and potentially not ever coming come again.
It’s all so clear in my head, it all makes sense.
Man, I just want to get out of my head, or intoxicate it enough not to know.
I wish I was gone.