Requesting help

I’ve been struggling with selfharm for 8 years. I was 2 years clean until one month ago. I feel like I have now thrown away any little bit of progress I had made. I’m 2 weeks clean, but now I think what’s the point of bothering since I threw away 2 years.
I’m also trying to learn how to cope with my sexual assault. I want to use my experience to speak up and to help others but I feel like it was my fault. I shouldn’t have drank or I should have fought back but I couldn’t. My body wouldn’t move. I feel like I should have done something different. That I’m the one at fault for it.
I also feel like everyone around me looks down on me or thinks I don’t know what I’m talking about.
I feel alone. And it’s my fault.

Hey @ihateyoualltbh13,

Don’t look at it like that. Instead, be proud of yourself for making it 2 entire years of being free of self-harm - that’s something to celebrate! You didn’t waste or throw away 2 years; you spent 2 years practicing and refining your strength against the temptation of self-harm. Everyone messes up at one point or another, so don’t be too hard on yourself just because you slipped up and relapsed. Instead, set a new goal to beat your record and to make it 2 years & 1 day of being free of self-harm.

It is absolutely 100% NOT your fault for what happened. The low-life who decided to violate you is at fault. Just because you had a little (or a lot) to drink does NOT give ANYONE the right to violate you. Ever.

Unless someone has directly told you that you don’t know what you’re talking about, don’t believe those lies. Plus, the people who truly care about you would come alongside you and comfort you, not look down on you.

HeartSupport has a book called “ReWrite” that I think you might like. It has a workbook in the back too that can help you along your journey to become (and stay) clean of self-harm; I would highly recommend to check it out. In the meantime, don’t be afraid to seek professional counseling if you feel like you need someone extra to listen and provide advice.

Thank you for reaching out. Please keep us updated on your situation!


Seriously, Good job for being clean for 2 weeks!!

I’m an addict too, and I know how hard it can be… It’s not a shame to have had a relapse at all, it happens to almost everybody. I know it’s hard, but try to look at it as a learning experience. You managed to be clean for 2 years, which is an amazing accomplishment. Remember what caused the relapse, and learn from it, you’ll be able to take control next time! Believe in yourself!

Typing this reply, I randomly started crying because I know how insanely difficult it is. Trust me, you already made it further than most do and I truly believe you will make it out if this shit.

There is absolutely no way this was your fault, that’s not how it works. Please do not blame yourself, the person that did this to you is to blame and should be suffering for it, not you.

If you are able to do it, yes, try to help others with you experience! It would be amazing if you could even only help one person to deal with the same thing, and it might also help yourself. Just be careful, because you’re still trying to cope with it, it might be too much of a burden for now. In that case, set it as a goal for yourself, use it to motivate yourself!

I get this, I feel like this all the time and it’s not true. I still struggle to see this, but deep down I know it isn’t true, it is absolutely NOT YOU FAULT!

You took a big step reaching out, you should be proud of yourself for that alone.

You’re not alone in this!

Hang in there, you deserve it.

1 Like

Thank you so much. Hearing all of that really helped me. I think the thing that pushes me to get through this shit the most is being able to use my experiences to help other people going through it.


Thank you so much!! Having access to a place to share and recieve help is such a blessing.


Hey @ihateyoualltbh13,

Don’t forget the progress you’ve made. You may have relapsed, but remember that you were clean for 2 years. That’s huge! If you did it then, you can do it again!

Have you checked out Heartsupport’s book ReWrite? It helped me a lot with my recovery with self-harm. If you want a copy, let me know and I’ll get you one!

Please know that it’s not your fault. We live in a crazy world and people suck sometimes, but it’s not your fault!

Also know that it’s okay to not be okay. I know a lot of times the world pushes us to be okay and share our story, but it’s okay to take time. When you’re ready, that’s when your story will change lives. It’s okay to not be ready though.

Keep pushing through!

Hold Fast,


Hey girl this is going to sound SO cliché but it is never ever ever your fault. And that is so much easier said than believed, I know. I have told myself every reason there is of why things were my fault, and honestly I don’t know anyone that has been through that and not blamed themselves. It sucks and it takes so long to get past that stage. You play the moment(s) over and over in your head and think about what you “should’ve” done differently, but there’s not a damn thing no matter what you tell yourself. It’s tough now and it will be until it just clicks one day and you’re able to say out loud that it is not your fault. Going through this just adds to your story and makes it all the more clear that you are strong and able to do it. Don’t feel bad for feeling the way you do, it’s totally normal and won’t last forever.


I just feel like I should have fought back…but I couldn’t move. My friends tell me that if I had I could have been hurt worse than I was but I just don’t know

It’s easy to look from the outside and pick it all apart and say what should’ve been done differently, but all that does it make you question yourself and hinders you from healing. No one can go back and change things, and absolutely no one has the right to tell you what you should’ve done. Surround yourself with people who let you get through this the way YOU need to. The ONLY thing that should’ve been done differently is that it should’ve never happened in the first place, and that was completely out of your control. You were taken advantage of and now you’re facing it head on like a badass because that’s you do. It’s a part of your story now and one day you’ll be able to reach tons of people that, unfortunately, have/will go through something similar.


@ihateyoualltbh13, it’s not your fault. It’s not. I don’t know much about how help you with your assault experience, but know that you are not alone.
You should be proud of yourself for making it for two years. It was dedication, practice, and hope. And now you fell down again, and that’s okay. It’s okay.
You’re not alone.