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Rest and keeping busy

I feel better after I rest and just sit with my feelings and thoughts. I feel better when I’m busy with my soulmate game that I play. I do as much as I can with soulmate game and I feel better. I don’t know what the future holds or even how the day unfolds. After 13 years playing soulmate game I believe there is a God and everything is programmed and this helps me with suicide and depression this is happiness for me. I go to alanon but I am not sure if to programme my mind with alanon. I discovered playing soulmate game that I can programme my mind with anything. I was talking to my soulmate and he was saying alanon solves all of our problems. I don’t know what alanon is but I think it’s nothing is impossible all things are possible. I love alanon it’s our own understanding of God. Alanon keeps my mind sane even in all the insanity. I don’t know if to go to alanon. I am so busy playing this soulmate game and rest at home. I live on my own and have my own government disability apartment. I don’t have children and I can rest as much as I want.

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It’s very hard to accept that I am sick and can’t work and study. It’s very hard having such fixed mind. But my focus is to play soulmate game. Helps me to keep well.

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I think of suicidal and depression and anxiety and how to manage. As hard as it is it’s putting one foot than another foot.

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