I am having a really rough night battling my mind and anxiety. Part of me wants to let go totally and not be here, (I’m safe by the way, literally just thoughts and I have people and places to go if things get worse) the other knows there is more to my life and I have a purpose to fulfill. Not to mention so many to continue to live for, including those I have yet to meet. But, I’m exhausted feeling this way. I’ve been doing all the things to help positively, all the right things to get lasting help, but they are weeks off. I recently got my medications filled and I’m taking them. I have an appointment to see a counselor next week and a psychiatrist in two weeks. I’ve been reading positive books, spending time with friends and family, doing my homework, journaling, getting out more, going to church, and eating well. I’m at a loss of what to do to change this weight from unbearable to bearable. Any advice? Has anyone felt this before? I’m scared it’s never going to end, that I’ll never get better.
I understand this so hard.
I myself felt this way so many times. I’ll be doing all the right things, and get no relief. I’m glad you’re doing all of this, but one thing I’ve noticed that you haven’t said is that you’re talking to people. I know it seems like a trivial thing, but talking to people you trust about even the smallest things that are bothering you can be so incredibly helpful. I see you around Danjo’s stream a lot, and that too is an awesome place to do this. I mean, those little things that annoy you may seem small, but they can build up. If you start to feel like it’s bothering you more than it should, come and talk about it. Are you a part of the HeartSupport discord too? You can come in there and talk about it in real-talk. You can talk about it in ANY stream with HeartSupports name attached. I think that by doing that, along with everything else you’re doing, might be super helpful because you’re not giving your subconcious time to let these things build up and boil over. The other thing is be honest with your counsellor and psychiatrist, no matter how hard it is, they are there to help you. If you feel like you’re too anxious, take something that someone you loved made for you. I personally took a little piece of art that Danjo made to the therapy session I had to talk about my sexual assault. It helped me to feel like I was safe because I knew that even if I couldn’t believe I was doing it for myself, I was doing it for him, someone I love so very much, because he no longer wanted me living in fear.
Keep coming to the streams and talking to us. We love you. Dan loves you. You’re doing all the right things - it will pass.
Hold Fast
Kayla
Hi friend,
I certainly know those long nights of anxiety. I too battle with depression and anxiety and struggle with day day challenges of moving forward.
It sounds like you are taking healthy strides to get better though! And that’s really great! Medication can take time to adjust and kick in and sometimes it takes being patient and trying a few things before it really works out. So just be open with your doctors and therapists about it so they can make sure you’re on the right meds and the right doses.
I know how exhausting it can be to find the right medications but it can make such a huge difference in our day to day.
How often do you see your therapist? For a while when I was going to therapy, I was seeing my therapist every single week. I’d see my psychiatrist every 4 weeks and I even had a life and family counselor that I’d see every week as well. As I felt I could, I would adjust it to every other week. Be sure to see if you can change your frequency with your therapist if you need.
These things are a good start to move towards healing. I know that not everything resolves our struggles. But if even just for a little while it can be a lift to your spirits then it is good. So it is that you’re making time to see friends, church and do things that you enjoy.
What are some things that are eating at you and you’re struggling with? And what are some small goals you can work on to better those worries?
I fight depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation on a daily basis so I’m always having to try to find things that help me moving forward, keeping busy and staying strong. It’s not always an easy feat and I have a lot of down days. And that’s okay, by the way. To have down days. You’re only human.
The biggest thing that matters is that you are trying. And it sounds like you have a lot of things you are trying to do.
Is there a pastor or a church friend that can pray with you? Someone you can talk to safely and share a little with so that they can offer you love, understanding and insight? Sometimes that can be so encouraging.
I see you my friend. And I’ve seen you in our streams. I hope you will continue to come around so that we can better come to know you so that we too can offer you encouragement and support. We may not be able to resolve what you are going through, but we can be here and offer you a safe place.
We are all hurting and we are just trying to help each other get through what we are facing. We’re here for you. We care. You matter.
Love you friend
- Kitty