Hi,
I have done a lot of posts abt what happened to me and it’s officially been a year now (since that night).
I’ve come to a point where we’ve gone to an organization that organizes conversations with an assaulter (because I do NOT want to go to the police or smth like that). Well anyway, they’ve already contacted my assaulter (he’s not a danger to me), and he’s agreed to the convo though his father wants to stay present due to legal issues. So it’s not confirmed yet, since my one condition is that no parent is present and we’re still waiting if he/they agree. But despite that, I still have to write what I want to tell him + my questions for him (sort of like the headlines that need to be addressed in this convo) so that we can then plan the date for the actual convo.
But the problem is that I don’t know what to fuck to ask him. And I’m fucking terrified to “confront” him like this, even though I know it will do me good and it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. So I WANT to do this, but I also want to run away. This gives me so much anxiety that I now don’t know what “he’s done to me” and I can’t seem to think of any questions.
I’m not perse here to ask you for the questions because of course you don’t know my story (well I have posted it but y’know), but idk. Maybe you’ve got some way to help me navigate this convo and these questions, bcs I’m struggling and avoiding this “task” or even thinking abt it.
I’m also so so scared of hearing his side of the story, which I’m going to be hearing. I’m scared it’ll make me doubt myself all over again, which I have had enough of. He wasn’t surprised that there was still smth in the air between us he needed to apologize for (that made me react so heavily to him), but he was shocked to hear that I was “accusing” him of rape. or perhaps not accusing him, but more the allegations, because I’m not trying to accuse him of anything. That is first of all not the goal of this conversation. It is to give him more awareness and me more peace with it.
Well anyway.