Saturday Revelations

Hi friends :heart::tulip:

Firstly to my Master Class fam - Facebook deactivated my account and I refuse to send them my drivers license per their request to reactivate it. I didn’t mean to disappear! I’m on Instagram (private account) if you want to stay in touch or send me updates of the classes… :slight_smile:

I don’t even know where to begin. It’s 4am. I was reading my posts from earlier this year and it made me realize that I freaking did it y’all. I’m happy. Nothing is weighing me down. No little voices in the back of my mind making me doubt myself. No guilt for choices I made to better myself. No guilt for choices I made when I didn’t know better, or even when I did. I’m just at peace. I remember writing those posts feeling so far away from everything; like I was never going to feel “normal”. I kept taking small steps toward healing but nothing seemed to be changing. A thousand small steps, some that worked, some that didn’t, some fallbacks, detours, and really tough battles later… I am not “healed”, nor will I ever be, but I am unrecognizably stronger.

After realizing the strength I had to report a sexual abuser, I found even more strength in myself to choose not to move forward with investigation. Then, even more to refuse contact with my mother (including her backlash) who also sexually abused me through toddlerhood, mentally, and physically abused me the rest of my life with her. I forgave my father from a distance for his addictions and abuse. Shared the most difficult secrets of my past with my partner of 11 years, soon to be husband next weekend and father of my son in April. I forgave myself, found myself, and learned to love myself. I’m free of everything that constricted me from actually living my life. It took me 29 years, countless therapy session, a few massive mental breakdowns, 2020, and nearly the breath in my lungs to realize that I am not my past. I am not what others made me believe of myself. I am not deserving of what I went through. Most importantly, I am the only one who can change my life, including who I allow in it (thank you Jake Luhrs).

I’m sharing this because I want so badly to reach every single person in here with even the smallest bit of strength. Your worth is unfathomable. Be selfish. Say no. Walk away. Whatever small step it is, take it. Then take the next one. Don’t be discouraged by failure. Learn from it. Pay attention to the breaths you take. The beat in your chest. Those are yours and only yours. Use them. You may have to be patient. You may need to grow your resilience. You may fall, a lot. Get up anyway. Ask for help. ACCEPT help. This shit is terrifying and agonizing and so deeply personal. Ripping yourself away from something so embedded into your soul is going to hurt, but you’ve been through worse.

If you can’t love yourself today, I love you. I’m proud of you. I believe in you. You are so strong.


Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so proud of you and what you have accomplished! It must have been a struggle to get to this point, but I bet it was all worth it in the end. You have encouraged me to be the best me I can be. Again, thank you.

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Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here @0liveJuice. Indeed, some massive changes happened in your life this year, and those happened thanks to YOU, thanks to your bravery, your perserverance and your beautiful heart. You are not your past, that is so true. And you have so much more to live than those painful experiences that you had. Keep growing friend. Keep creating your own path and keep walking proudly on it. You are beautiful.

:hrtlegolove: :hrtlovefist:

hello friend
good for you i am really glad to hear that
thank you for sharing this great post with us
take care

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:relaxed: :sob: :grin:

I am so proud of you! You are such a kind and good person, too!

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