I just got back from a music festival and saw some of my favorite bands along with a new favorite!
Most notably (THE reason I went) was to see Silent Planet! I ended up talking to Garrett. It was awesome! I shared how Depths 2 really inspires me. Afterwards, and even now, I’ve been rehashing some of what I think we’re stupid things I said. Does anyone else ever know what they want to say, and then it doesn’t come out the right way and then you feel like you are babbling? Especially with an artist who has impacted you? Yup, that was me! Haha He was appreciative about what I said and gave me some words of encouragement. And a couple hugs. But my brain is still analyzing everything.
The thing I’ve learned, really learned this past year, is my identity in Christ. That all that matters is what God thinks of me. So all this ammo, negativity, I can throw off to the side. Not that I don’t feel or think or don’t still analyze, but it’s like my brain is throwing that shit at me, and it isn’t making me feel like any less of a person like it used to! (And I think happy things like one day, I can say what I really wanted to say, in Heaven, in the way I wanted to cause my brain will be perfect! Haha) Plus, I’m like, he won’t even remember me tomorrow with all the people he meets. So get over it!
I even wonder how I came off when I was talking to Garrett. With all the stress/anxiety I’ve been under, I’m embarrassed to say I have this near constant nervous twitch with my eyes. It’s bad. I’m not exaggerating, either. I wonder if I did that when I talked to him. Probably did. I think about that, too. I know I did it a lot during the show. Even the whole night. It’s embarrassing. But… at least I know and can live my identity in Christ a whole lot better than even a few years ago.
All this said, I’m pretty proud of myself for sharing what I wanted to say to him. In the past I would have had so much anxiety, to the point of probably not sharing. And then would have left disappointed. So I definitely can see progress in my life!