Saying goodbye to this community (thank you)

This is definitely not permanent but I think I’ve used this place the most I can for the time being. I’m by no means 100%. I’d say I’m 10% better at the most. But I’d like to thank everyone for listening to me and showering me in kindness, even if I denied it. And for overall being welcoming and understanding. I think I really needed that at the time.

I began mentally reliving my trauma through flashbacks and memories of things I didn’t remember nor did I want to. It was the resurfacing of all the events and emotions I self consciously and meticulously shrouded. It all felt real again, like I was back with him and he was here.
Mentally, I reverted back to when I was being abused. I was desperate and oddly unfamiliar with such kindness that it felt unnatural and it was hard for me to accept it. I began getting used to the same mentality I had in the past with him. I felt unworthy but I was scared of myself at the same time. I wanted support but I was afraid of reaching out and being seen for what I believe myself to be. I was like an uncontrollably sobbing child in a corner. Metaphorically speaking, I’ve stopped that “crying.”

It’s almost been a year. I’m still trying to process the things that happened and I get flashbacks on occasion. But a year ago, everything came crawling back and it suffocated me. I’d say I’m doing better in that standpoint. I’m going to therapy now, so I do have some support.

Again, thank you and I don’t know how to express that further. Thank you for giving me a place to feel without being judged. Thank you for not despising me or spitting on me. And thank you for giving me a place where I felt safe to come forward with regarding my traumas. I appreciate it all more than I can describe.
Please take care of yourselves the best you can.

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Take care, friend. We believe in you. :heart: