My friend on YouTube is really depressed and is talking about cutting… They won’t tell their mom and no one seems to be able to help them. I’m scared that they’ll do more than just cutting. I’m unsure what to do and I don’t want them to hurt themselves. They said that they cut with their fingernail so that they can feel the pain and not have their mom see. Then they started saying that they should start cutting with something else. I don’t want them to cut themselves or worse. I never was good at convincing people not to do things like this and probably never will be… How can I help them?
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Hi @alexgamer_hameowlton - It can be really hard to witness something like that, and it is good you are concerned for your friend. There is no right answer about how to support them best, and talking people out of something sometimes can enforce the behavior. It’s a hard situation! You might ask yourself how you would want support during something like that. I know you are going through a lot with school right now, but maybe find the parts of the encouragement you have gotten here and what you like most about them, and just encourage and support your friend. Let them know you hope they are safe and ask how you can support them right now.
I hope your friend is okay. It is really good you care so much, I hope you are well too. Hang in there.
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Just like Echo said. Try to see how you would like to be helped. Try to dig into their minds maybe to see what triggers it and sometimes you can straight up talk to someone about it. Start with expressing your emotions, what you’re thinking about, what your wishes are and then offer them your support… so in your case something along the lines of “I’ve been feeling helpless because of you selfharming yourself has been keeping my mind busy and i wish i could help you in some way. Can you talk to me first before self harming?”
What I wrote is not 100% perfect, but it’ll get your way further than just a “are you okay?” That i got from my parents.
Self harm I’ve experienced is different for a lot of people, has a different source. For some it’s almost about the rush it gives, the excitement… for others it’s an outlet of pain, anger, regret…
I myself was the latter. And just having friends being there for me and not judging when i’d cut again really helped. My brother now using it as a tactic to convince people that my mom is a bad person, is not helpful. I havent cut myself in over half a year and i dont know why exactly…
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You’re an awesome friend, without any doubt. And I’m sorry your friend is struggling right now. Sometimes helping is only about listening and showing kind attentions. Ultimately, you won’t be able to heal them. It is their journey. And you don’t need to have all the answers. But you can still ask them: “how can I support you and encourage you?”. So they can take part in their own recovery.
You can support them through this first just by showing that you care and it is safe to talk with you. Self-harm thrives in silence, isolation and shame. Pushing silence away, by respecting your friends boundaries and pace, is a very first step. The fact that they shared about this with you is so important already.
I don’t know if you or your friend already had a look at the workbook ReWrite, but I highly encourage you to check on it. It is adressed to people who use self harm as a way to cope, but also to people who know someone who self harm and are willing to help. I’ve been reading it with a friend, working on this together. I can assure you that it’s a very very good tool. You can get more informations about it here:
- heartsupport.com/resources
- https://forum.heartsupport.com/c/growth/rewrite/60 - First chapters/posts include VOD of streams when Casey, Dan and B.Sledge (the author) were reading the book together and discussed it. It could give you an idea of the content.
Through all of this, don’t forget to take care of yourself, friend. Knowing that someone you love and care about are hurting themselves can be distressing sometimes. And it’s okay to have some “me time” when you need it. Your well-being is important too.
Hold fast. 