I know I’ve always been too intense when I feel anger/sadness. I can’t handle both anger and sadness well, even very little things can make me drown in my own thoughts. My only way to cope is harming my-self.
I’ve been cleaned for months, but I keep relapsing lately. Last night is worst, I even threaten my bf that I will do suicide just because we have a small fight. I cut my thigh and stomach, but then I feel regret when my emotion came down. And now, I hate myself every time I see the scars. I feel disgusting with myself.
The circle won’t end. I’m afraid I will feel this way forever, and afraid I will go further. I keep thinking of suicide and I’m tired of feeling this way.
I am sorry that your bf is treating you bad I do not know what to do or say about this the only thing I can give you is hope not all guys are like that I think you should leave him and find some one that has a heart that will support you in need of your pain there are guys out there that are like that I will be praying for you please take care of yourself do not do harm to yourself I do not know you but I care for you
Anger and sadness are indeed really intense emotions. You know already that harming yourself isn’t a healthy way to respond to those. I’m sorry for the recent relapse, friend. It happens unfortunately. But please try not to beat yourself up too much. I hear your regrets. Really. And it makes totally sense to feel that way. Being free of self-harm is an intense battle. But you will get there, okay? You are not a disappointment and you are not disgusting. We believe in you here. There is so much love and compassion for you right now.
Have you ever checked on the HeartSupport resources? If not, I’d like to recommend you the workbook about self-harm, “ReWrite”, for which you can get informations here: https://heartsupport.com/resources/
Also, as you mentioned being clean for months, I’d like to ask: what healthy strategies has been helping you until now? Or, on the contrary, what didn’t help? How do you cope with your emotions of anger/sadness, if not through self-harm? You are certainly not out of resources right now. Especially because your very first strengths come from yourself. But maybe right now would be the moment to take some time and gather all the things that has been helpful to you, so you can keep building some solid foundations for yourself.
You are loved. And you are not alone right now. This circle will end. But sometimes we take a step back. And that’s okay. You’ll get back on your feet. You won’t feel like this forever. Your efforts are not in vain. And what happened didn’t erase that.
I can deeply relate to this. For many years trying to master my own emotions and feelings has been so hard. With having both Bipolar disorder and Autism, learning to handle, cope and respond to my anger and sadness has been an ongoing battle. I easily spiral and drown in my thoughts. Self harm used to be a go to. It helped me numb out my feelings and relax. But as helpful as it was, I knew that this was not a healthy outlet. It took a lot of years to come of that and find other ways to cope.
I’m sorry that you are facing so much self hate and disgust. I think it’s important that we give ourselves forgiveness and grace. We struggle enough with all of the intense emotions we are facing, we don’t need to guilt and shame ourselves for being human and slipping. Maybe instead work with yourself to find ways that can help you distract from feeling the need to do that.
As listed above, there are some resources you can use. https://heartsupport.com/resources/ - ReWrite is a book specifically for help through Self Harm. Not only is it a book, but it’s a practical guide which has a journal of questions that you can work through and self reflect on, that can better help you get to the core of your self harm and help heal.
There is https://calmharm.co.uk/ which is a simple app that can help you distract from self harming when you get that urge. I encourage you to check this out.
There is Self-Harm | Crisis Text Line where you can connect to a text hotline when you are feeling the urge to self harm. Someone can talk to and work with you with how you are feeling.
And there is: https://www.betterhelp.com/heartsupport where you can sign up for a FREE 7 day trial for online therapy where you will be assigned to a therapist after being asked a few short questions. I’ve have used this resource and some of Heart Supports own staff uses this regularly. You can use the app on your phone or in your web browser to text with your assigned therapist at any time. Or set up a voice chat. If you use the browser app you can even send a voice text. Once the trial is up you can apply for a chance to get financial aid and a discounted cost. It’s worth looking into and I encourage you to take advantage of that trial.
Friend you are not alone. It does not have to be like this forever. I know it feels like it, but there is light in all of this darkness. Suicide is never the answer. You matter. Your life matters. And while your feelings are valid, you deserve to be loved. Not just by others but also yourself.
You can join and connect there with a community full of people with passion of helping each other. There is a “real talk” channel there where you can share your heart just as you can here. Releasing what is on your chest, no judgement. And be around others than can probably relate to what you are feeling. There are lots of resources there that you can take advantage of and use. And can also keep tabs on the Heart Support stream schedule so you can come hang with us.
I sincerely hope you get feeling better my friend and I hope that you will join us. Because you deserve to be heard. You deserve to be surrounded with love and encouragement.
I used to ask for help to my church ministries, they help me with prayer and strengthen me, but lately I feel far from the church, I even didn’t pray lately. Sometimes music and writings do help, but most times they don’t. I still can’t find a way to cope other than harming my self since I quit praying. It’s just like I don’t have any strength left to fight, I really want to end this pain.
hi there i am super sorry that you are going through this, i can’t say i know exactly how you feel but i have been in a similar situation i know that once you cut you feel you have a good grip and control but that only last for a few minutes seconds maybe.
i understand that it’s hard and you don’t know how else to handle it but i think that it’s great that you joined this! it’s a step in the right direction something that helps me is having a rubber band on my wrist rather than self harm. always remember that even small steps in the right direction are still progress. you have a lot of people rooting for you! stay strong you can do this
please take care of yourself do not do harm to yourself I do not know you but I care for you
We believe in you here. There is so much love and compassion for you right now.