My mother took me to a clinic that specializes in eating disorders. I was assessed and told about the treatment I will soon be receiving.
I will have to attend their “alternative school” from 8-3:30, for who knows how long. I’ll have to be among other patients. I’ve already started the “meal plan”, which consists mainly of my fear foods.
I have the constant threat of hospitalization. It’s the only reason I eat. I’m terrified of hospitals and specifically needles and feeding tubes. This fear has put even more stress on me.
I feel like I’m being raised like livestock; being fattened up. It’s already enough that I have to eat, but being basically institutionalized on top of that is too much for me.
I know that someday this will be forgotten, and I will carry out my plans without interference. However, that wait is painful, and so is treatment.
I don’t want to kill myself, I see too much potential in life. Should I run away? I don’t see any other option.