Scared of upcoming changes

Since I literally have no one else to turn to at this point I’m just going to vent here bc there is a ton that I really need to get off my chest…

So as some of you know I’ve been having some on and off issues with my dad. When ever things start to look up and I start to think wow things are going really good BAM I do something to mess it up and things start to get very bad again and I just can’t take it anymore. He’s hounding me about getting a job which ik I need but the things I’m doing to try is never enough for him bc I’m not getting the job immediately…I am currently working with a disability program to help me get a job bc I have had no luck getting it the traditional way. (More info on that in my last update post) Ik he wants me to get a job and succeed and stuff like that but I just wish he would stop nagging me about it and be just alittle more patient with me but I’m starting to see more and more that our relationship may never get better…

So starting on the 26th (This Friday) I’m going to be staying at my mom’s for a bit. Things are still up in the air on whether or not I can only stay for a short bit or if I can stay permanently. I may do an update post once I find out more. I talked to her about the phone situation and whether or not I get a new phone is still up in the air. I’m just really scared of what’s to come. I’m especially nervous for when I do get a job bc I don’t handle change very well bc of my anxiety and ik that is going to be a huge change… I’m scared I may be phoneless for a while (I really don’t feel safe with out a phone) and I’m scared that being at my mom’s may not even be permanent…I do not want to come back to my dad’s until I at least have a job then I can visit him on my days off bc I don’t want him to continue to see me jobless and still be able to sit back and criticize me for not having one…

I want things to get better so bad I don’t want to continue going through this cycle of trying to get a job not getting one immediately and getting crapped on by my dad. I just feel like I’m stuck and can’t get out it’s hard and I don’t want to keep going through this…I can’t mentally take it anymore…

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It’s not easy when things seem to hammer us down, from every side. Parents are not easy people. Kids are not easy people. Humans in general are hard to deal with. You take alot on your shoulders from what I understand. Do you really need all that pressure on top of the actual events? So you really need to take on your father’s disappointment? Or can you just leave it to him? To let him know you love him and are doing your best, and everything else he feels and believes falls by the wayside now. I hear how difficult it is to want to make the world happy with you at all times, to make sure no one has any negative opinion of you or your place in the world. It’s so so so much. Too much for one person.
-job.
-phone.
Are you looking for a job? Yes. Actively. Very.
Will the phone situation resolve itself ? Yes. Definitely. In due time.
What else is yours to manage? What else belongs to you?
What someone else thinks of you is none of your business. Because it is not up to you to uphold that responsability my friend. I think there is burden here you will be able to let go of. It’s so good that you write here, that’s why we’re here. Let it out, let it go.
There are some days, everything is just too heavy, I think you’re brave, and a warrior to continue trying. In time parents will see that when they get over the fear of having failed you somehow.
And you will Master this change. I believe in you. Yes even with anxiety, even without a phone, even with all the pressure you feel. You will win this. You will. I’m a mom. I am proud of you. With tons of love and a hug ( if you like hugs, if not, I can fist bump) take your time. And you will win this. :white_heart:

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Fear and anxiety is always so hard to overcome, especially if you’re trying to do it by yourself.
Do you actually have a good support network around you by any chance?
How is your relationship with your mum and do you feel she’s easier to talk to about your feelings?

I can relate about being so frightened and full of anxiety to change, I do want to encourage you to perhaps take some smaller steps to get there. It could be even just doing some smaller socialising. It could be going into a cafe for example and saying “hi I’m just wondering if you’re accepting resumes right now?”. Building confidence can be helpful when trying to get over the fear of the unknowns, especially in a work sense.

You do seem to be under a lot of pressure too. I hate that you’re being so burdened by your father to get a job. It’ll happen when it happens, try to save some grace for yourself

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From: ManekiNeko

I’d like to just encourage you again, Andy that hopefully things will be a bit more positive and shed a different light with your mum. One step at a time, sometimes the pace feels like it’s too slow or not going anywhere, but sometimes in life we have to take one thing at a time. See how you settle in, be able to talk to her and express how you’re feeling. Maybe your mum and you can even workshop together to find ways that you can conquer fears concerning socialising with work. Honestly sometimes playing scenarios out with my friend helps a lot because she pulls me off the negative focus and puts some positive scenarios in my mind.
Hope you’re doing okay!

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Hey Andy,

It sounds like things are looking up. Yes, there might be some bumps on the road…but it sounds like you are on your way to some sense of a moment to breathe. Maybe you could find a work-from-home situation, there are plenty of opportunities for that sort of thing. I did that for almost three years & enjoyed it so much. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to take it one day at a time & find pockets of peace every day.

Don’t focus too much on the phone situation. Find moments when you can focus on the things you need to do & what helps you in the long run. Give yourself grace. Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that there is good in every day. You got this!

You are important. You are valid. You are strong. You matter.

-StarFox :yellow_heart:

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hey Andy Im sorry things are on the downturn again for you. Life is certainly full of ups and downs isnt it, it never gets boring. Im glad you have been able to get your worries off of your chest. I think a break at your Mums is a really good idea, having some time away from your dad I think will do you both good, the job situation has been going on for a long time hasn’t it so maybe whilst you are at your mums the disablitly program will help you find something so when you get back you will be set up ready to work and your dad will be happy and off of your back. I know your dad gets angry and no he shouldnt shout at you but ultimately parents just want us to succeed and when they dont see us doing well they worry and sometimes worry comes out in the wrong way, that doesnt make it right but it may explain a little of his behaviour. I wish you well at your mums and with your future employment. Lisalovesfeathers. x

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From: twixremix

hey andy!

although your relationship with your father isn’t looking hopeful, i am thankful to hear that you’re working towards staying at your mom’s place. this sounds like it’ll provide you both with a much-needed breath of relief as you gain the space you needed. whether you’re at your mom’s for a little bit or an extended period of time, this change is necessary for you to preserve your mental health as well as focus on finding a job with your disability program. i’m thankful your mom is there to provide a place to stay as you recharge and distance yourself from your dad’s pressure! keep your heartsupport community updated if there’s anything more you’d like to talk through or how things are going, we got your back always!

love,
twix

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