I’ve decided to attempt to take my own life again. I don’t wish to live anymore and I’m pretty sure about my fate. In May of this year I’ll do it. Maybe sooner if I get too exhausted along the way.
I am unlovable and I will never be genuinely loved and cared about. I just seem like the kind of person that accepts and cares about everyone, but doesn’t get anything in return. Other than helping other people reach their potential, I am utterly useless. I am unloved and uncared for unless I’m doing something to benefit someone else. I don’t want to be alive.
I believe all the good things people say about me are fake. I’m not pretty, I’m not fun to be around. I continually annoy and aggravate people just by being myself. Just by being alive, I am not appreciated. They’re just saying those things in order to continue to reap the benefits. Everyone knows I’m unintelligent and weird.
I won’t believe anyone anymore. It’s all a lie, all lies. And I’m done trying to save myself. This world hates me, but even if it does, I still care. I don’t know why but I still care about the world and I want things to grow and get better for people. It’s just that kind of strange faith I have.
I just hope someone better than me can take my place because I do not belong here. I strongly envy those who are loved for who they are but at the same time that pain on anyone. If reincarnation exists, I want to be born as someone who is truly valued.
have you tried going in and speaking to a professional about this? I know it can be hard when you believe that everything and everyone is fake and telling lies. But you have your wonderful writing groups and communities that have repeatedly shown that they care about you, and appreciate your work. You have expressed the love, joy and respect you feel there.
You’re here with us. We care, and we listen, and we like having you around.
Do you believe us when we say that?
If you are considering this, please do go talk to someone. If it’s a diagnosis that can help you explain why things swing from positive to negative, then there are real ways that you can help manage this. If you care about the world, and that’s the faith you have, then it is my hope that you will seek some assistance, and have someone help you through this.
I have so many entries in my journal like this. I’ve said goodbye many times because I thought this world was cruel and hated me.
You keep saying that no one cares about you, but that’s not true. Every person who has ever replied to your topics here cares about you. We’ve invited you to hang with us during heart support streams and we try to lift you up when you come here for support. You are part of this community.
Don’t you see how much we love you?
We try to lift you up each time you come here for support. Open you eyes, Amaris and see us.
You don’t have to do anything special here for us to love and support you.
I’ll also add this:
What do you need to believe that someone cares about you? is it a word, a deed, a gesture? What would convince you of this?
Saying you don’t believe it, makes sense. We believe what we believe, but we can sometimes fight those beliefs with logic and proof. What do you need as your version of proof? Since we all know that you are indeed cared for, heard and appreciated here.
I am so sorry you feel like this. I know its tempting to make the final desicion. I know that sometimes it all feels like too much effort. We want to be loved, to be cared for, to be accepted. You are a very emotional person Amaris. You experience a wast variety of emotions so intensely and it can get exhausting. Caring very strongly about other people and not being appretiated can be frustrating and tiring too. You are not useless or unlovable. You can believe me when I say this because I can gain nothing from lying to you. I think you are loveable and I think you deserve to be loved.
That is admirable Amaris. You are strong for being able to believe in the world and people even though you feel so hopeless and the world has gone crazy. You are valued Amaris. You are not a perfect person but nobody is. Everybody has their strenghts and weeknesses. Btw how is your writing? I remember you were writing a story. A fantasy one if i remember correctly. i would really like to buy your book someday
Please dont end it Amaris. You are valued here and i believe you will find people that will love and care about you. Stay strong
I think I’ve deleted most of my social media accounts already, well expect for tumblr because i just mindlessly reblog things and this place
There are people on social media that are toxic thats true. But it seems like a bit of a radical desicion. Are you sure about it?
I have drafts for 5 chapters already. 6th one has suicidal themes and i kind of find it ironic cause im in the same boat currently
Yeah im sure about leaving, i mean i don’t have much to lose anyways. Never did
Its not ironic at all. we often project in our fantasies and creations what we feel. How does the character want to solve the situation. Will they be saved? Will they save themselves?
I mean I planned things from the start. They won’t perish or anything though
I think this won‘t change your mind. But I wanna say that I was at the exact same point and thought as well its better to go and that everyone is fake. But at this time a lot changed for me. And I got such a big support from a friend who I knew just a few weeks. We spend so much time together and I want to support you as well like he did with me. Because there are people who are not fake, there people who really care about you. Maybe it just need even more time.
Thats good. I would like for you not to perish either. I would honestly like to read your book. I am interested in it and i like fantasy. I would love for you to finish it and to continue living, writing and finally finding love and happiness. You dont deserve to perish Amaris
We love you Amaris. It’s been awhile since we’ve head from you and I wanted to check on you. Let us know how you are doing because we are concerned about you. We care so much about you, I hope you can believe that. Is there someone home with you? ~Mystrose
HI Amaris, i want you to see this and know that you are loved, I love you. I care for you very much indeed. I look forward to seeing your posts and hearing about your life. You mean a great to us here at Heartsupport Amaris. Sometimes life can be so very hard and if feels like people use you and take advantage but often all those thoughts come into your head when you are feeling really low. Amaris, I really want you to talk to someone outside of here and get some help if you can and of course stay with us as talk as much as you want. we love you. Much Love Lisa x
Hello again, friend! I’m sorry you are in a bad place right now. Honestly, maybe getting rid of your social media will make you feel a little happier and help you leave your room a bit more and explore the world and see some of the beauty in it with your own eyes. Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in technology and internet relationships and we forget that the world is so much more vibrant than what we see on screens. I hope that you go outside some more now that you have deleted your accounts and you see how beautiful the world is and you see that you make the world more beautiful by being a part of it.
You may not want to believe it right now, but we all care about you. You are a loved and valued member of this forum and community. Hold fast
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