Someone just killed themselves I’m sure, thing is, I have talked to them before, they were nice and although we didn’t chat much I was happy to chat with them, they were friendly and such. But then I saw their most recent post and… I don’t know how to feel…
They just said about them dying, that…they were dying… I scrolled down to their other posts and it just…it really sounded like they have been dying for a good while now… I don’t know how to feel.
It’s like I fucked up, I wasn’t fast enough. Now, they are gone… what have I done… I could have stopped this easily but I didn’t. They could be here but they aren’t…
I fucked up horribly, now their partners are in grief because I didn’t fucking bother to look into the notification when I saw it. I’m such a screw up for this. I really am. I was too useless to stop this. Now I just ruined the lives of a poly relationship and theirs too because I was doing dumbshit in real life.
I don’t want to even push on anymore if I cause hurt. I really don’t.
It’s not your fault that happened. It is out of your control. Give yourself grace.
The unfortunate thing about suicide is that in all likelihood, for each occurrence, hundreds of people feel as you do, that they should have done something to intervene. It is regrettable when we don’t recognize the signals soon enough. It doesn’t help, that talk of dying, and wanting to die is so common among young people, that it’s impossible to tell when someone actually is about to follow through with the act.
Don’t tell yourself that you could have stopped it easily. It’s not easy for anyone, not even an experienced professional, to talk someone out of committing the act. You weren’t fast enough? No one on the planet was fast enough. Perhaps one day you will be for someone else.
Don’t blame yourself for something out of your control. The only thing we can do is to be here and support where we can, unfortunately it is not always enough, but you talking with this person and caring for this person is all you can do and is bigger of you than what many others might not have done. I am sure you have mattered for this person, but we can’t safe everyone. This is not your fault, it sounds like you have done nothing else than trying to help, you did not put them in this situation.
You are a good person for caring and offering the support you can, always put that first!
I’m sorry guys, it’s just been so hard… I get that’s all I could do but I just feel, emptiness, I have been down all day because of it! I’m sorry I’m not in a good headspace to get into detail.
I’m sorry for the loss of your friend. Inevitably during these times, the people surrounding the person lost often believe that they should have done more, they should’ve been the signs and its all their fault.
There is a lesson in life that we should all learn which would help us give ourself grace and forgive ourselves in times such as this. You are not responsible for someone else’s actions. Do not force yourself to take that responsibility. Its not fair to you.
This is not to say that you shouldn’t grieve the loss of this person. Definitely take all the time you need and take care of yourself. There is no time limit or handbook when it comes to grief, so don’t feel rushed or that you’re going about it wrong.
You did nothing wrong. What happened was their choice, not yours.
Thank you, I see now I shouldn’t push everything into me, I guess I just need time to process.
I decided to not post a separate topic but I just got news they were alive still but in bad condition. But oh my gosh, the wave of relief… I though they were really gone but I’m so happy to hear they are okay. I probably won’t talk about the details but from what I get they are hanging on the final string but are alive, just barely though… either way I’m going to do my best to support them, even if it’s through online.
That’s some very good news, @Sky-Trev - what a relief! The way you care and want to be supportive is also very inspiring, friend. Just try to be gentle with yourself as well, okay? We can always support someone as long as they want it, but there are limits that remain impossible to cross, because it’s up to the person to do the hard work within themselves. In any case, they’re very lucky to have you by their side. You are such a loving, caring presence. Thank you for what you do.
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