Wow! You have been so kind, inspiring, and supportive of others, I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling. You are a person to appreciate and admire, and have helped many others here.
Is the doctor you are now seeing the one who took over the practice? When the doctor I was seeing for 20 years retired, the doctor who took over already had hundreds of patients, and it was nearly impossible to see him. I had gone to see him before I became a patient with the doctor who retired. I gave him a rundown of my symptoms, and he said there was nothing he could do for me. I explained the same symptoms to the next doctor, who became my favorite, and she discovered that I had Lyme’s disease, and likely contracted it 20 years earlier. I was fortunate to find another doctor that I like, but it’s a bit of a long drive to get to her.
This might be a really good time for you to look for another doctor. However, regardless of how you feel about your current doctor, you need those prescriptions filled, so it’s in your best interest to put up with him until you get those meds. After you have at least a months worth of medications, then you can take a bit of time to look for another doctor.
There is also a possibility that this Dr. was having a bad day, and will treat you better at the next appointment. I got into the habit of having a note card with me, to keep me from forgetting questions that I wanted to ask, or symptoms I wanted to report.
My diet has been a train wreck most of my life, then about 10 years ago, both my diet and my weight stabilized. Before that, my hemoglobin A1c indicated that I was diabetic. I improved my diet, and started exercising. Since then, my A1c is only slightly above normal.
Exercise that increases your heart rate for about 20 minutes, triggers the release of endorphins that in some cases are better at counteracting depression than medication. I don’t know if it always works, but others have reported that exercise reduces cravings for unhealthy foods. It did work that way for me. Exercise helps a person think more clearly, which in itself is instrumental in maintaining a decent diet. I don’t know what physical limitations you may have, but if there’s any part of your body that can be active enough to increase your heart rate, it might be worth checking out how you feel after exercise.
Over the years, I probably gained and lost the weight of a 48 Buick. I was an emotional eater from early childhood, and was always one of the fattest kids in school. At the same time, I was anemic, because my diet was practically nothing but carbs. The yo-yo dieting started in my early teens, but gradually decreased by the time I was in my 30s. It still happened though except I would gain or lose 40 pounds instead of 100. I figured out that I had a very hard time maintaining the “ideal weight.” Whenever I tried, I would end up slowly gaining. So, when I decided to start losing, I cut back on calories, and as I lost weight, the amount that I lost gradually decreased, until finally I wasn’t losing anymore. So apparently I have a high weight “setpoint,” also one that is on the low weight side. My weight loss went beyond my target, by about 10 pounds, but I looked and felt good. I didn’t resume “normal” eating habits. I just gradually added tiny amounts to my daily intake until the scale nudged upwards a few pounds. Then I reduced my intake a tiny bit at a time until the scale stopped moving up.
I’ve heard it said that it’s a bad idea to weigh yourself daily, but that’s what I do. A couple of times in the past year, the scale told me that I needed to skip dessert for a couple of days. I think watching the scale is better than waiting for clothes to start fitting poorly. By the time that happens, it can take months to get the weight back off. One thing I never do is load my plate with a lot of food on special occasions, or splurge on a big meal with the idea that I can make up for it later. In other words, my intake is very very consistent.
Once eating habits are maintained for a few months without feasts or splurges, it becomes easier to continue doing so.
Why is that crap around anyway?
Recognize this for what it is: giving yourself permission to kick the can down the road, with no real expectation that you won’t kick it again.
It’s hard to care while anticipating failure.
You haven’t failed. You won’t fail. You simply have plenty of experience in discovering what doesn’t work.
Sudden drastic changes are rarely sustainable. Set small, conceivable and achievable goals. Consistently accomplishing them builds confidence. Confidence unleashes strength. The most impressive accomplishments consist of small conceivable and achievable goals, that are built upon. When it comes to adjusting diet, it just one spoonful or its equivalent less daily, for a few days or a week. Then you can move on to two spoon fulls less, and so on. That’s how you can bring about meaningful and sustainable change, without feeling as though you are suffering.
In the morning, get up, make the bed, and before you do anything else, take a shower. You will feel better for having done so all day long.
You are a very loving and lovable person. You deserve to feel happiness and contentment. Let it happen.