Self-care is so important

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Hi :))
2021 has been one of the most stressful years of my life: I have had to deal with losing many close friends and an 8 month relationship I cared deeply about. I had my final exams and finally graduated high school. I discovered that I was neurodivergent and had to fight my crippling impostor syndrome as well as people telling me that I was really a neurotypical faking it all for attention. I’ve dealt with severe health problems, drug abuse, trauma and 3 suicide attempts in one year.

But despite all that, I really wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve learned so much and I finally feel in control of my emotions and life. I did lots of research on neurodivergent self-care and I finally understand how to treat myself and when to eat, drink, relax and work.
I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I feel like I’m finally getting to know myself, like, the real me, behind all the masking and trauma and bitterness.
I’ve spent so much time hurting and belittling myself that I find guilt in taking care of myself because I feel like I don’t deserve it. I’m slowly chipping away at that guilt so I can give myself and my ND brain what it needs when it needs it. Today I had one of the best days ever and it was peaceful and quiet and I hope to have many other days like this.
And I feel like when I accept myself as neurodivergent, I can finally snip at the roots of most of my mental issues: my brain is wired differently, so I should treat it like it is. Now that I have this knowledge of how to care for myself and satisfy my different needs, I fully believe that I’ll be so much healthier and self-sufficient going forward and that’s the most exciting thought I’ve had in months.

It’s been rough. I’ve been through hell and back, probably, but I’m alive and doing everything I can to stay happy.
These forums have actually played a huge role in my healing process, so thank you, heartsupport, for everything!! I hope that one day I’ll feel ready to come back and return the favor by helping out around here <33

p.s. Take care and don’t forget to drink water!!

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You are probably very good at seeing the silliness and vanity that is drowning mainstream society. Seeing life from a different perspective is an asset. It’s not surprising that those who resent their own mediocrity and insecurity, would try to make you feel bad for being different. Enjoy the freedom from conformity. You may have to act “normal” in order to keep certain people happy, for example, your employer, but be aware that your unique form of mental astuteness is priceless.

I process things differently as well. When I was eight years old, I was removed from school, diagnosed with the now obsolete term, “retarded.” What they were really seeing was an eight-year-old kid who was suffering from PTSD. Six months later, I was caught reading some college-level theology, and was foolish enough to explain my own interpretation of the material. Then I ended up being evaluated by three different psychologists, who discovered that I was the opposite of dumb or retarded. They did however, attribute another obsolete term to me “on the verge of a nervous breakdown.” I did the years assignments in a single evening, but they stuck me back in the same grade level anyway (my parents were really messed up). Things were really rough at home, and I was rarely anything but anxious. I attempted suicide at the age of 10. I struggled with PTSD, ADHD, and dyslexia, hence got horrible grades until I left school at age 15.

Those were the days when you could lie about your age, and get full-time work, even if you were under 18. That’s what I did, and found an eight dollar a week room to live in. I decided to try Adult Ed in order to finish high school. The circumstances were sufficiently different that I was able to get past my mental block regarding schoolwork. I ended up getting straight A’s, and finished at the same time as I would have had I not dropped out.

I overcame a lot, but still had very low self-esteem and confidence. 20 years later, someone convinced me to try getting a degree. It worked out. I graduated with honors.

Despite that, the imposter syndrome followed me for several more years. I got into the habit of telling myself “that’s how I feel, but that’s not the way it is.”

I was very reactive, sensitive, and socially awkward. Consequently, my peers found absolute joy in tormenting me. It didn’t help that because of financial troubles and evictions, I went to 13 schools in nine years. I absolutely hated myself. I think I’m pretty well past that, but certain triggers make it feel like it was just yesterday.

Why do we judge ourselves so harshly, and feel guilt related to things that we can’t change about ourselves. It makes as much sense as hating ourselves because of our height or eye color.

The truth is, our attributes that we have resented are the very things that make us uniquely valuable.

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Dear @sidryza,

Wow. The message you provide here is so inspiring. Thank you.

2021 indeed has been a hell of a year for you. I truly commend you for thriving, for your perseverance, for being here with us today. You are a very strong person and you being here, reflecting on how this year has impacted you, is going to help you move forward in your own growth. We learn from experiences, if not especially from the hardest ones. You’ve become a lot more resilient, you have found a new sense of peace and you can find some clarity between what is worth your time and your energy or not.

Thank you for not giving up, and even more for taking the time to share such a beautiful message. Self-care is incredibly important. I would say, it’s even essential. It’s a requirement to whatever needs to be done in this life, as we are our very own fuel in this world.

Keep doing great. Keep putting yourself first, and know that doing so is never selfish.

You are amazing.

PS - Oops, my glass of water is empty. Thank you for the reminder. :slight_smile:

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Hey sidryza!

EsRivs responded to your post live on stream with some wonderful words of encouragement and congratulations!

Here is a link to the video so you can watch her reply!

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Thank you for sharing with me, wings :-] your story is inspiring and I’m glad it finally ended up working out for you. It gives me hope that one day, I’ll be able to learn decent executive function skills and build a life that I’m happy with.

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Wow, thanks so much:) the youtube team replied to 2 of my posts?? thats hella lucky for me haha

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Thanks so much:) this reply made my day and I’ll come back to this message every time I feel like I need a lil pep talk hahah. The fight isn’t over, but I’m in a good place and I hope you are too. Wishing you well!!

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