Self confidence/ self worth

[Derpplup]

I’ve never had a sense of self worth i always think I’m bothering people and I always put my self below others im not sure how to even start building self confidence it all feels so foreign is it even possible for me to start having that since I never had it to begin with

[nyntje]

Hey @Derpplup,

Thank you so much for reaching out here, I see you and I feel you with this. I used to struggle with this daily and it’s only after going to therapy that I started to get better at being nicer to myself and building self confidence and self worth. I used to put everyone that I met immediately and liked above myself, almost refusing to see the flaws they had. Heck, I even blamed myself and my responses for the things I had no control over and were actually their fault. Admitting that is difficult for me… they were better than I was right?

Something I learned in therapy and also the hard way in life, is that we’re all human. We all have good things about ourselves and we all have flaws. People around me started to encourage me to make a list of things that I liked about myself. After them telling me for the millionth time that I didn’t have good qualities and wasn’t a good musician, they started to say things to me that they liked about me and they wouldn’t let me go somewhere else till I said at least 1 thing that I liked about myself. That took me about 45 minutes, because I thought they were bluffing and even then it was “I guess I like my eyes”. Something vain, something that had nothing to do with who I am, but it was something that I would have never said otherwise. The next time I saw that person again, I had to tell myself in the mirror that I was a good person, 5 times and I did that, after a very long uncomfortable silence.
All of those times that someone told me to do something and say something nice about myself, it felt alien, like I wasn’t there or like it was stupid and I didn’t mean it anyways so what does it matter, right? But the thing is, after literally years of being forced to do these things, I can now name some good qualities about myself, without my inner voice immediately saying that it isn’t true. This doesn’t mean that that voice never pops up, but it’s already less than it used to be.
And the people I looked up to, I started to see as human. I now have a way better relationship with these people, because I no longer worship them. They are flawed, just like I am. They have their struggles, just like I do.

I would love to encourage you to start writing daily, something that you like about yourself. And while you’re writing, say those words as well. This way you use more than 1 sense, while you’re building yourself up. If you need some help, maybe listen to what others say about you? What do people who care about you say about you? Write it down, speak those words even if you don’t believe them at first, you might believe them one day.
I can already tell you one thing about yourself. You are a brave person. You told a forum full of strangers that you are struggling with something and you’re asking for a voice to listen and that takes a lot of bravery! So for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you for that!
I hope to see more of you here.
You’re Loved!

-Nyntje