RELAPSE after relapse ;( I try to stop but end up doing it yesterday i was doing stuff on campas and someone saw my fresh scars they reply

THEM:What is that on ur arms (they know what it was) then like stop doing that to yourself you need help ima going to tell the RA
ME:I don’t wanna talk about it (goes back to do my work)
THEM: (goes back to doing there work)
THEM:A few min later they got done doing they work and come up to me and say "only reason Im saying because i care about you and i had a friend do it and cut a vein
ME:I don’t wanna talk about it
THEM:I care about you thats all and u cant get help if u dont wanna receive it
ME:I have tried to stop it like addiction like drugs you cant just stop
THEM:Well I was doing drugs and could just stop (they leave)
ME:(get done and goes to room)

A staff members come into my room and say can i talk to you
im like yes they asked what is on my hand I said i dont wanna talk about it they like well you have to im like no i dont they like we care about your safe and they keep asking to see my hand I keep saying NO so they want back there office and ask another staff member and they bring me into the office for 15 min trying get me show my hand because they want to clean and check on it but i wouldnt let them i said i would clean it myself but i got upset and starting crying and had a hard time breathing so one the staff keep telling me to breath i think i was on the breaking point of having panic attack if they dont have calm me down it really upsetting to have a student to tell the staff about my arm like NO leave me alone IDK who trust anymore ;( i told them not to tell staff but they did and i feel like i got betray and in the morning I want to the wellness to get my normal med and the staff there also talk to me and saying they need to see my arm and again i SAID no

;( I hate it when people point out my scars because it make me conscious and upset when people point out my scars i wear sweatshirts to hide my arms no matter the weather because i dont like people pointing it out also people like to stare at my scars and it upsetting it make me wonder what they thinking about me and stuff

Jace I’m sorry - I know it’s hard coming back from a relapse. It sounds like that other student really wants to understand and provide you with support though. I was in a similar situation at work last year. My colleagues were telling my department head and rep that they were concerned about the cuts on my arms and I got called into a meeting with them a few days later. They kept me in the room for nearly 2 hours because I refused to confirm the rumours and show them my arms to treat them. Finally after them refusing to let me go I showed them and spoke to them honestly and they were so supportive. So believe me - I too hated the person who made my manager call that meeting because I didn’t want to tell anyone. I’m sorry to say that it’s likely their concern will carry on showing in the form of calling you in to talk. Try your hardest to talk to them - even if you don’t show them. It’ll take time to trust them. They’ll understand. We will always be here for you but physical support is something that will benefit you so much more too.

Hold fast

they even ask me if i had any I said NO but I do but even if i didn’t I find something so simple to hurt myself with EVEN IF i dont have any Razors i just want the pain to go away and that how i deal with it ;( i feel like i cant trust myself anymore and like i use a key to break my skin and make a wound I know alternates but when im very very upset i cant think of them i shut down I got told by a student that they think Im bipolor IDK i can switch moods really quicky but some of that because female issues IDK i feel like if i was i would have known at a young age IDK

Please keep trying to stop. I have faith in you, and I’m proud of you for writing on here. It shows you’ve still have fight in you.
You can trust us. We will never judge you, and we will always be here for you. We love you.

They Don’t Need To Understand by Andy Black