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Self-Harming Less (TW)

After seeing someone else celebrating 100 days without self-harming, it has occurred to me that I haven’t cut myself in over a year! This was in part because I don’t have access to sharp objects due to my history, but I’m thankful for my family members protecting me. (I’m also thankful for Steven Universe, which is my comfort show that I watch when I get intrusive thoughts.)

I’ve self-harmed in other ways, such as banging my head against the wall, but it’s become much less frequent. Honestly, I am… surprised… and proud.

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That’s great! I haven’t been having suicidal thoughts in a month, on a record right now and really proud of that!

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That’s great to hear! I sometimes have suicidal thoughts, but then I imagine my dog sitting in front of my room waiting for me to return and the pesky thoughts go away instantly! My current motto is, “If you can’t live for yourself, live for others.”

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That’s an incredible accomplishment! I’m proud of you! :clap:

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Congrats friend @Rowan!
You are really a fighter! My top was 11 weeks clean but i failed now im 6 days clean! Take care and try to keep this in mind: “I AM STRONGER THAN MY BRAIN!” Trust your heart nor ur brain!

Bianka <3

Tbh I don’t like the whole “trust your heart, not your brain” thing. It’s gotten me into trouble before. Most recently, I ignored red flags that lead to me getting groomed because the other person gave me serotonin and I wanted more.

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yea but we are not talking ab love right now :flushed: it’s about health and self harm :heart: take care

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Great job! This is definitely something you should be proud of!

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Congrats @Rowan! More than a year without cutting is a huge accomplishment! I hope you allowed yourself to celebrate that and, somehow, reward yourself. Just a way to be kind to yourself and acknowledge your efforts. We’re all proud of you here. :hrtlegolove:

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And, just like that, the count is back to 0…

I used the plug of my phone charger. I was desperate.

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@Rowan

What happened to make you desperate? Are you willing to share?
:heart:

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Hey @Rowan,

It can be really hard to face a relapse. I know it creates a lot of guilt and shame. But I want you to know that we are still very proud of you here and nothing goes in the way of the love we have for you. Your efforts are not gone. The strength you’ve built up is not erased. It’s still part of you. This is an obstacle on the road, and you’ll learn to get back on your feet, at your own pace. We’re in this with you, friend. This is not a rewind back at square 0. It’s yet another part of your journey as you keep walking.

I’m sending lots of hugs your way. :hrtlegolove:

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Just the usual trauma. Nothing new.

Thank you. I appreciate it.

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@Rowan
Okay, thank you for responding. Usually I’ve been triggered when I feel the need to feel pain. I’m hoping today is a better day for you.
This is a difficult, difficult struggle you’re in, so don’t go too hard on yourself when the struggle becomes too much. It has happened to many of us, time and time again. As quick as you can put it behind you and keep faith in your ability to move forward in a healthy and positive way. One that will allow you to feel good about the perfection of you.
I hope at the very least you acknowledge your courage in showing up here, posting, responding to help others, and sharing your pain with us. You are willing to help others, and that is a very good quality in any human being. I think you can feel Very good about you in this regard, believe me, not enough people care, but you do, and I’m so glad you’re here contributing. Peace :heart:

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Hey @Rowan,

It can be hard when we relapse. I can totally understand the way your feeling, but I want you to know that I’m still very proud of you. It shows a lot of strength to come here and talk to use about what you’re going through. I know you might feel a lot of guilt and shame right now, but I want you to know that you didn’t fail. You’re still learning how to deal with this addiction and that is a process in which we all fail our way to success. I have relapsed before and I know how easy it is to just want to give up, but the fact that you’re here and that you’re reaching out shows me that you want to really beat this addiction.
There’s a saying I have on my door, I see it every day, it says “Sometimes we win, and sometimes we learn”. This is one of the opportunities that you can learn about what happened. What was the trigger? What are your usual coping mechanisms to try to handle that trigger?
I don’t know if you know, but Heartsupport also has a book about self-harm (ReWrite) and there’s a whole chapter that is dedicated to relapse, it’s actually a chapter that I should read more, because it’s good to know it by heart. It shows some red-flags that might’ve been hanging already, but you might’ve not realized it till it actually happened. It’s a good tool to have, and I do recommend it, if you are open to reading it. I read it with a friend and that helped me a lot, because they kept an eye out on possible triggering moments.
Lastly, I want you to know that I’m very proud of you for being open and honest with us. I want you to know that you are a very strong person, you’ve proven that already and you will continue to prove that to us. Take it 1 day at the time, maybe even 1 second at the time, but I know you can do this.
Feel free to share more if you want to.
You’re Loved! :hrtlegolove:

-Nyntje

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Thank you for your kind words.

The trigger was that I was being cyberbullied on Twitter. One person alerted his friends and they all started crapping all over my account…

I ended up deactivating my account. Unfortunately, I now have to resist the urge to recover it for an entire month before it is permanently deleted.

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Twitter is definitely a toxic place on the internet and unfortunately a place a lot of people are getting cyberbullied. I’m glad to hear that you have taken steps to take down your account so you don’t have that trigger anymore.
I also have taken down one of my social media accounts because of the possibility of triggers, so you’re definitely not the only person that has done it and I’m proud that you took that step as well.
Really hope you are doing better now.

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