I been clean from self harm for about 8 mouths, I still struggle with intense emotions, impulse, loneliness and self hatred. Yesterday told my friend I wanted to kill my parent over a small arguement and post on Instagram that I was mental abuse when I was child and said that women hated me. I can’t help over share on the internet and being a burden on my sister and my parents and friends. The feeling of self hatred, suicide and self harm are so strong, even thou my life actually pretty good compare to people that are homeless and that starving.
I post stuff on Instagram hoping a girls that I like would respond and say “oh you are a good guy” or “I do like you as human”. However girl I have relationships with or close friends just leave me. They pretend to care for a bit and they realize I’m creep or wirdo.
My teacher in middle school I would never have friends and no girl will like me. I was Peter Pan and will never will grow up. She was right, I can’t change my issues and I’m still a virgin. I have so much self hatred and I go to sleep at night alone.
I’m not trying blame women or degrade them, I understand their girl out dealing with same thing and I feel for you.
I hate where girl go after doughbag Jersey shore asshole that treat them like shit and they still love them. However, men go after women that are jerk too. It very mess cycle and I feel we love the people that hurt us and hurt the people that love us the most.
I can’t never fix myself, I try DBT on my own and I lost faith in god. I still dump my problem on other people and I try medication it still does not help. I’m hopeless that deserves to die alone. I’m turn mental abuse person, I also to be honest mistreat women and I deserve to be alone.
