I’m constantly alone. I’m negative, depressed and easily angered. I generally don’t like my fellow man. I feel like human interactions are mostly based off of “give and take,” and I find it hard to believe there’s any real compassion anywhere. I realize that I’m projecting my inner cold heartedness onto others.
I don’t like most people. I’m in that point in life where people are already dying or they moved or got careers or family. Yet I still live alone and smoke weed and play video games all day. Between spending 6 years in jails and being constantly let down or disrespected by a society that generally does not want me, I have mostly given up with human interaction.
I would prefer to order McDonald’s or sheetz through a computer screen or go to the self checkout at walmart. What brings me here is that I realize that I have unrealistic expectations for the world around me and I just don’t let some things go. I’m stuck on pause and I’m just going nowhere. I’m sitting alone on another holiday, contemplating how undesirable a human being i am and thinking about other peoples’ happy realities. I guess I should be grateful for what I do have.