Set up to fail

I feel like my parents have been setting me up to fail since I was little. like they refuse to take me out to learn how to drive and my permit expires in a few months and they don’t care. I’m failing all my classes bcuz I just don’t understand anything and they won’t get me in intervention classes. I can’t have a job bcuz I would have to have my license to even get to my job and I have no license. I feel so alone bcuz no one is ever there for me and I have to do everything on my own and I’m just so drained and tired. I want to die and my parents have caused me so much trauma over the years.

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Hey friend @Lexi. I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with this, I can’t imagine how hard it is. Something I’d recommend doing is talking to a school counselor about your classes first. Usually, there’s a way to get academic help during the school day and they’ll probably have more solutions than that. I’d definitely try to communicate with your parents about what they’re doing and how it makes you feel. It shouldn’t feel like they’re setting you up for failure and you should let them know that you don’t think it’s right. You have so many people on this wall and people at Heartsupport that care for you an incredible amount. You’ll always have someone here for you. You mean the absolute world to me, hold fast.

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From: monke1 (Discord)

mabye theres a reason why your parents dont wanna get u your driving licence, mabye they lost somebody close in a car accident… try ask them if theres a reason why they dont want you to get a licence. On the other about the school mabye they dont have enough money atm to pay for extra classes, because of the pandemic etc. And you say you feel alone… I’ve been there still there, but try getting 1 person u can always talk to. Only 1 that’s what I use to do :slight_smile:

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From: Ash (Discord)

Hi friend I am so sorry your parents havent taken you out to learn at all. I dont know what state you live in but some offer driving classes. Also school is not an easy thing. Have you talked to your teachers about maybe offering to help teach your or tutor you in the subjects you struggle the most in. I do want to say I am sorry you feel alone and as if no one truly cares but you are never alone and you are very much cared about right here right now. This space Heartsupport is a lot of people who have been in very similar situations and very similar support spots. Perhaps it would be a good idea to join stuff like heartsupport and come join the discord and the twitch streams as we would love to show our support.

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From: TheNightingale (Discord)

Hey friend! I’m sorry you’ve been having a hard time with your family…that must be really difficult to be in that environment. I would recommend trying to connect with a professional who can help you out if that’s possible. Also what I find helpful is designated a place (at home or outside home) that feels safe to me, and I try and go there as much as possible. It can be a good way to escape for a few hours if you feel you need some fresh air. People are here for you, especially all of us from the HeartSupport server! We love you tons! Keep on keeping on! It will get better

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From: Micro (Discord)

Oh friend, I’m sorry for how is your relationship with your parents. :frowning: It really sucks when it feels like the ONLY thing that could give you a relief and help you forward to your goals, is something that people are interfering with… With my own parents, while growing up, I generally had to handle responsibilities on my own. Many things were not addressed by my parents while it should have. It’s tough to have to grow up too quickly. Maybe there is some though, by trying to talk to them? It’s possible that what seems like they don’t care is actually something different. It’s a bit scary to sit down and talk honestly about how this situation makes you feel, but it could be REALLY worth it. <3

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From: Brett (Discord)

You can do whatever you want. If you get creative and use resources available to you like public transportation, busses, or something, that’s a huge help. You can set up your own appointment to get a license. You seem to be reaching this weird divide where you might not need to rely on your parents for your success. And when that time comes, it’s nice to be able to not place the blame of your perceived failures totally on them, and hold resentment. That’s wasted energy and does no good. Instead, start planning and scheming of ways to become self sufficient so you don’t have to rely on the folks. There’s no greater feeling but it’s a difficult learning experience to get creative with the resources available to you, and how to come up with ways to get ahead. But ultimately, when it is all said and done, you’ll have picked up great habits, thick skin, forgiveness, and character. So basically to sum it up, let go of your resentment towards your parents possible neglect to set you up for success, start planning ways to be self sufficient through available resources, and last but not least, never give up and keep doing it every day. Eventually you’ll be in your place in the sun, and it will be that much sweeter knowing it was totally you that did it all.

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From: RocquetMan (Discord)

Hey, my friend. Thank you so much for sharing. I resonate quite a bit with your message because I grew up in a very tumultuous, trauma-filled household. Only until recently, through therapy, was I able to revisit that and realize how dysfunctional it was. I had pushed it down so far and convinced myself that I was raised appropriately so I never allowed myself to confront those feelings or those memories. I had to learn to parent myself essentially which was really difficult. The kid version that still existed in my mind was the driving force behind a lot of reactions to things I had in the world. And I had to be a parent to that version of myself. The important thing to remember is that it’s not your fault. You are doing the best you can with the hand you’ve been dealt. Forgive your parents as well. It’s easier said than done and will definitely take some time. But realize they’re also doing the best they can. I know it may not seem like it right now but they’re operating off of their very own childhood traumas. It’s not your fault. Be kind to yourself. Much love.

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Hey @Lexi , @taylorpalmby dedicated a song to you on stream!

Hold Fast

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