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Severe self esteem problems

I have severe self-esteem and body issues, I was bullied and abused at school before, and my relations around women are not healthy.

I will often have panic attacks around women and the last time I even was so much as kissed by another person was in 2008.

I don’t know if i could have sex with another person, ive also been rejected by anyone ive even tried to date.

My friends when I had them didn’t understand why I was struggling as they think im good looking and funny, then never see that ive failed more times than I can count and now I think its too late.

I did meet a girl online recently but after a while she just stopped talking to me even though we shared the same taste in music, interests and liked each other.


Me and you both. I hope one day things will change for us. It’s not fair!

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Unfortunately dude we dont live in a fair universe, some people aren’t supposed to feel love or joy I guess.

I may “deserve” to but that always felt like entitlement.

Not sure if this helps at all but I’ve not had sex, dated or kissed a woman in over two years. I had to (unwillingly and dragging my feet) learn to be comfortable being with myself. I always thought being with a woman would complete me or whatever but the woman(en) the problem(s) only increased. I don’t want to be alone but I’m okay with it. I’ve found myself, in myself. It’s been a blessing in disguise. We have to be happy with ourselves. I truly believe there is someone who would love to spend life with you and me and him. But I have no intention of spending the energy to find so and so. I’m kind of venting myself haha. If you like you, that is what’s important. As for the online dating community… I’ve found some of those sites to be cesspools, full of scammers and mischievous people. We can’t determine how we feel about ourselves based off of how a portion if society thinks of us. Quite bluntly, f*** them…do you.

I think the problem is I’ve never had that experience or a healthy experience. I’ve gotten close before online and I really hoped that girl was the one but she just moved on to someone else.

I had suspicion she was talking to someone for a while, turns out i was right.

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It’s a pessimistic view but I think it’s safe to say that each man and woman there is talking to more than one person. It’s like a people market…reminds of of going to a pet store and picking out an animal based off of personal preference. (Not that I do it but) I think that the old fashioned going out to date is more effective. I also think most people on dating apps don’t know what they want or don’t want to tell the other person. It sounds cliche but there’s someone for everyone…I mean, just look at the amount of humans out there. But I’m always extra skeptical about the people on there.

It’s less pessimistic more something I’ve experienced, I actually met this person long distance though discord, but then turns out they met someone else.

What hurts the most is they wear say how great I was.

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I know I have anxiety and sometimes I’m a bit much, but getting my Hope’s up then crushing them seems cruel.

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I love Discord man. I use it for competitive gaming but never thought to look for a partner. I was calling my view or stance pessimistic, not anything you’ve said.

Oddly wasn’t looking just sort of happened.

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I’m sorry my friend. That’s all very hard. I certainly can relate to the battles of low self esteem and insecurities. I have always battled with it.

Like you, I was bullied in school. Even into my teens and early adult life, I was bullied and often made fun of. Especially as an autistic. Finding Understanding was very hard. And in school I never was the girl that has guys that liked me or wanted to date me. So I get it.

Friend, we all are human and so we all naturally crave companionship. It’s very normal. But don’t push or rush yourself into relationships. Let it come naturally. Try to focus on the things that make you happy. Surround yourself with the things that bring you joy. Build relationships with people who have similar interests. In time, relationships will build naturally and you never know, you may find companionship in the least expected place.

Anyway. I don’t know if that’s helpful, but I care for you friend. You matter. You are important and you deserve to be loved. By others and by yourself. So love yourself friend. It’s important.

Stay strong.

  • Kitty

Thanks kitty, while I dont have autism I can empathise with that as I wasnt exactly popular or cool.

I’ve been waiting a while dude, I dunno what else to do.

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I can relate a lot to what happened to me in 2019, The last time I kissed was in the early’s of 2009, and I found this girl in an app, we did got out, had like 6 dates, we kissed a little and all, but out of the blue she dumped me… By November I met someone else, and again got out together for a time, this time I even had sex for the first time, but in the end she just refuses to accept any “serious relationship”, now she is talking to me fewer and fewer by day, and my hearth is broken again, I just posted my own history in a topic, but what I think is, if I did it once, I can do it again, I hope you don’t give up and like me, try and try again.